Anachronist
by dragonSpired48
Summary: What would happen if Kagome discovered the fanfiction written about her, Inuyasha, and everyone in the Sengoku Jidai? DEEP IMPACT! For a start: Leather pants, laughing trees, love contests...and lots of adventure. The Anachronist has arrived ...but why?
1. Searching for Shikon

ANACHRONIST

By the way: an _anachronism_ is something that's chronologically out of place. If you keep reading this title will totally make sense...I hope.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha. Also the websites (later in the chapter) are mostly real places I found, and I don't own them either!

This came to me while doing math homework last night. Yeah, I always have the weirdest brainstorms during math homework. Probly cuz I don't understand it so then my subconscious wanders

CH 1: Searching for Shikon

She'd just gotten back from the world beyond the well, and she was exhausted… 

_Kagome buried her face in her pillow, thinking "Finally…a real BED!", and fell deeply asleep._

When she woke up, it was early afternoon. The golden rays of the sun fell into her room, still shining strongly. She now stretched and yawned, feeling the happiness that knowing it was Saturday brought her.

No Inuyasha would bother her today. It was a bright morning, and she could go where she pleased.

"Ja ne, Oka-san," she said to her mother. "I'm going to go to the library, ok?" They had gotten new computers there, she'd heard from Eri, and all of them had the latest internet connection.

Kagome rode her bike to the new, important-looking library building, where she went in and found a new computer. It was such a nice day out, that there were almost no people in the library. But Kagome couldn't care less. _I'm outdoors all the time in the Sengoku Jidai. Now's my big chance for_ (here she squirmed with glee) _AIRCONDITIONING!_

She laughed to herself and went over to the computer. "Wow," she gasped at the new features. _How long has it been since I used a computer? _She calculated mentally. _Wow...months and months...I haven't even been on the Internet since before I met Inuyasha!_

A voice startled her. "Hello there, young lady. My name is Yamaguchi Hakku." Kagome jumped. A young man whose pin identified him as a librarian was standing at her elbow, beaming.

"We've just gotten the latest form of Internet. Modem connection, and you can download and print at our print center...ten yen a page." The librarian leaned in. "Computers are advancing so fast these days. And the Internet's becoming so affordable, that soon most families will have it."

Kagome turned her gaze to the computer. Finally, a fast internet connection, and at her fingertips with a whole afternoon ahead! They had computers with Internet connections at school, but she hadn't been able to use it since before this whole Shikon no Tama quest started.

"This computer's brand new," said the librarian, smiling at Kagome's expression. "A 1997 model. We just got it, you know. Would you like me to show you how to use the Internet?"

"No, thank-you," Kagome replied politely. "We were taught how to use the Internet at my school."

"Well, best of luck!" said Hakku, and he strolled back over to the Information desk by the front door.

Kagome was so excited. They finally had the Internet at the library!

She spent all afternoon on it... surfing!

She was delighted and impressed at it all. She grinned. The Feudal Era was wonderful and beautiful and magical and all, but _her_ era had COMPUTERS!

Then she had a brainstorm...

_What if I search for the _Shikon no Tama_ by Internet! I'm sure to find some interesting stuff about it!_

With shaking fingers she typed in the kanji and pressed "Enter".

As the screen cleared, the hard drive whirring, she felt her fingers head to their usual spot of comfort, the Shikon shards around her neck. Slowly her fingers closed over the smooth surface and squeezed with anticipation.

flash A blinding light shot out before her eyes–

–For a moment, the room spun in front of her eyes, figures and computer blurring with a purple tinge. _Whoa!_ Kagome blinked rapidly to clear her vision, and the room came back into focus. Her head felt light, and under her fingers the shard felt warm and tingly.

_What the--? It must be that I'm hungry. I haven't had lunch yet..._

Just then, the search engine whirred...and then spat results onto the screen.

She looked at them eagerly, excitement mounting in her chest.

" SEARCH RESULTS. 1-10 OF ABOUT 18,000.

1. **Shikon****no****Tama**

Summary: Welcome! Internet Explorer/CSS Frames.

2. Besouled The **Shikon No Tama** Fanlisting 

Summary: Welcome to Besouled, the fanlisting! Approved by The FanListing . org.  "

_A fanlisting? Huh?_

" 3. Wikipedia: The **Shikon No Tama**

Summary: Wikipedia Free Encyclopedia's article on '**Shikon** **no** **Tama**' ... Warning: Plot details follow. The **Shikon** **no** **Tama** (lit. Jewel of Four Souls) or "**Shikon** jewel", is a magical jewel...

4. Encyclopedia: **Shikon****no****Tama** / Shikon-no-Tama

Summary:... in size when complete, but the shards of the **Shikon** **no** **Tama** are irregular in size and shape ... them and creating the **Shikon** **no** **Tama**, which burst from her chest ..."

_That looks good! _"Yess!" Kagome said, cheering to herself. Both of those, number three and four, looked good for information. _I mean, surely Midoriko's story is known to more than just me...right?_

Suddenly, something seemed wrong. _How could that be on the_ _Internet_? _Even Inuyasha didn't know how the Jewel came about before Sango told us_...

But...

Her mouth fell open. Just beyond that entry in the search results...

What? What?

Her gasp was so loud that the people around her in the library looked at her in alarm.

Kagome felt the sweat slipping around under her shirt collar, springing up under the waistband of her skirt. Her face was losing color.

" 5.** ShikonNoTama** Necklace / Jewel of Four Souls Necklace - 

Summary: **Shikon** **No** **Tama** Necklace. ( Sacred Jewel of Four Souls Necklace ) The **Shikon** **No** **Tama** or Jewel of Four Souls Necklace is inspired from the manga comic and anime series INUYASHA.

6. **FanFiction**Net:**Shikon****no****Tama**

Summary:... Anime " Inuyasha Xover YYH" **Shikon no Tama**. B s : A ... Hakusho together with InuYasha! -... If you don't know InuYasha, it's all good, you can look for info ... **SHIKON NO TAMA** (The Jewel of Shikon) ... comic and anime series INUYASHA.

InuYasha Xover...

Anime series...

INUYASHA.

InuYasha.

Inuyasha!

"Inuyasha!" she screamed, and as several people stood up in concerned anxiety or annoyance, she toppled off the chair. The computer screen swam before her eyes even with them closed.

_Manga...anime...INUYASHA...Shikon no Tama…_

Then even that disappeared, and she was completely blacked out.

• • • •

There! Hope it was a good start! That was so worth staying up late to finish math homework. :-P Ok well anyways I just wanna blab for a bit. I meant to publish my fics in order that I thought of them but I decided I wanted to stick this one out there just because it is so off-the-top-of-myhead and can go in many different directions. I am leaning toward a humorous direction.


	2. A way with words

ANACHRONIST

Chapter 2: A Way with Words

Inuyasha sat scowling at the lip of the well. _Where the hell is that girl? She said she'd be here by noon!_

Then he smelled her familiar smell, and peered down. There she was, backpack and all, climbing the well's sides.

He stepped back to give her room, and glared at her as she stepped out into the sunlight.

"Well?" Inuyasha demanded. He automatically reached out to take the backpack from her, but she shrank away from him.

He searched her face. "Why do you look so tired?"

She looked away, a blush rising in her face. "I, um, I stayed up really late at a friend's house the other night…"

She had already promised herself she wouldn't tell him. _I'll stick to my promise,_ she told herself. _I will._

_I'll never tell him that I stayed up half the night reading fanfiction– about US!_

• • •

The whole rest of the day Inuyasha puzzled over Kagome. She seemed to be half focused somewhere else. Finally he confronted her.

"Okay, Kagome. What's going on? HEY! What's that?"

She was holding paper in her hands, the kind of paper with the strange inked letters on it. This time, though, it wasn't in one of those "textbooks".

"Give me that!" He snatched the papers. Inuyasha was desperate to find out why Kagome had been so distant all day, really warm to him the next; shy one moment and…flirting?…sometimes.

He started to read the kanji as Kagome shouted, "Sit!"

He smashed into the ground. Kagome started to shake with uncontrollable laughter.

"It's not funny, wench!" Inuyasha grumbled.

Kagome laughed harder.

Miroku put his hand on the growling Inuyasha's shoulder. "Something is clearly wrong here," he said quietly. "Kagome, perhaps it is– er, that time of month?"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Monk, I'm the only one with a time of month."

The monk shook his head and sighed. "There is much for you to know, Inuyasha. And I'm not the man to teach it to you all, although believe me, I know a lot. GACK!" Sango had just whacked him on the head.

"How do you know about things like a time of month? Miroku, take Inuyasha. I need to talk to Kagome alone." As the monk and the irritated hanyou moved off, Sango crouched on the ground by Kagome.

"Kagome, what's going on? Are you feeling well? You haven't been acting like yourself. Do you want to tell me about it?"

Kagome trusted Sango, and would have loved to spill exactly the issue with her. It was worrying, funny, embarrassing, and shocking all at once.

But how could she tell Sango that she had read a story by someone from her world who had turned Sango in a California beach bum who surfs with Miroku? Or how, apparently, she and Sango had gone shopping at Norstroms'? And, worse yet, there were some things that made her blush just to think about.

She shook her head, feeling suddenly so tired that she just dropped her head onto Sango's shoulder and snoozed.

Kagome had lied to Inuyasha. She had been up more than half the night. She had, in fact, stayed awake for fifteen hours to both read and to get over the shock of some of the things that she'd done with Inuyasha, according to _some_ writers…

• • •

Kagome couldn't keep it to herself anymore. It wasn't even funny to her. The shock was receding, and she knew she had to do something about this. It was affecting the whole group, to have her acting so weirdly. She couldn't take the strain of this burden of knowledge.

"Sango. I have to tell you something." Sango looked down at Kagome, whose eyes were still shut.

"I went back to my world, and I was…using a kind of box that has tons of knowledge stored in it. I was searching through it, and I found…um…stuff about us."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…I found some websites– I mean, pages of information, about me. And you. And Miroku and Inuyasha and the Shikon no Tama and almost anything you can imagine."

Her emotions twanged the other direction. To finally say it out loud was the trigger for a flood of shock that coursed through her, and Kagome started to sob hysterically. Sango couldn't even understand her anymore, even though Kagome kept trying to say words and failing.

"Inuyasha!" she cried, alarmed. "Something's wrong with Kagome! Come here!"

Inuyasha and Miroku crashed through the bushes over to Kagome, who lay in a ball, crying.

"Stop! Stop that!" said Inuyasha frantically. _Was it something I did?_

"I– can't!" sobbed Kagome, barely able to breathe.

"Sango, she's hyperventilating!" Miroku exclaimed, worried. "She might need some kind of mouth-to-mouth breathing– OW!" he said, rubbing his head. "Perhaps you should do it!"

Kagome held up her hands in front of her face, still crying uncontrollably. "Look– yellow bag– read papers," she gasped out, and stumbled over to a tree, trying to stop the rush of tears.

Miroku went over to the backpack and pulled out the sheaf of printed paper. "It's those ones she was reading!" cried Inuyasha angrily. "I knew it!" He turned imploringly to Kagome, who had quieted down to low sobbing. "Please Kagome, don't cry. We'll read and you'll feel better. Watch, I'll read it." He snatched the papers from Miroku and held them far from his face.

"The– the…Damn! The light's fading!" Inuyasha swore, looking at the setting sun and the darkening sky with a glare.

"Inuyasha, you're holding it upside-down," commented Miroku quietly. "If you want to read it, hold it like this and read the kanji downward."

Inuyasha flipped the page right-side-up and started to try and read. "The day when–"

Miroku sighed. "Inuyasha, you don't have to pretend you can read. Here. I'll read it aloud for all of us."

He took the papers from a furiously embarrassed Inuyasha and began to read. "It began one day in September. Kagome, Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha were walking to school together as usual…"

• • •

He read until his voice died away. The group stared at Miroku for a minute, then at the paper, then at Kagome.

Sango asked the girl gently, "Kagome, who wrote this?"

Kagome looked up. "I don't know. I found it in the…the box, and many many people write things that end up there. It could be one of millions of people."

Inuyasha knelt down to put a comforting hand on her head. Kagome grabbed his hand and took it off her hair, sitting up to look him straight in the eye.

"You heard what was in that story," she said, her voice so low only his dog ears could detect it.

Inuyasha blushed so red he matched his haori. He was very glad it was dark. "I– I…I thought it was…"

Miroku was flipping the pages. "Which page was it on where you kissed her again, Inuyasha?"

The half-demon pushed Miroku so hard he stumbled backwards, laughing. "Shuttup," growled Inuyasha. He backed away from Kagome.

"I- um," Sango said nervously. "Kagome, I…I think I understand why you've been behaving so strangely…"

Kagome started to hiccup. "I'm so sorry…It's just, I thought you all should know, because– because it's true that I'm acting so weird…I'm so sorry," she repeated. "It all started because I thought– I thought Inuyasha would be happy if I searched for some information on the Shikon no Tama, to help us understand it. But all this weird stuff turned up…like that story. It was at a place called which is where people publish their stories. Completely fiction, though. I mean that's all made up…"

Sango was petting Kagome's head soothingly. "Hush, don't worry about it."

Miroku was straightening his robes now. "Well, like Sango says, Kagome, you shouldn't worry about it. The only issue is that many people somehow know about us…and write stories about us…"

Sango looked at the ground. "But it's true– reading that really does change things."

Miroku shifted uneasily for a moment. Then he said, "Is it really true you secretly like it when I– er, fondle your behind?"

_Slap._

Sango was on her feet, shouting and turning bright red, even visible in the dark. "No, no, I do _not_, houshi-sama, and if you don't mind–" She stomped away and leaned against a tree in an embarrassed huff.

Inuyasha was hiding in the shadows at this point, embarrassed and confused. In that strange story, he and Kagome…If these stories were somehow partially true, did that mean…?

Kagome stood up suddenly. "I'm sorry I showed it to you all. Here. Give me that." Kagome took the papers, and stuffed them into the campfire. They crackled and spat. "There," she said firmly. "They're gone."

But they weren't. Not really…

•••

:-D


	3. Fruitful Fiction

Chapter 3: Fruitful Fiction

Kagome was wrong. Burning the incriminating papers did not make the problem go away.

First of all, there was the way that Sango was behaving. Every time she and Miroku made eye contact, they'd both blush and look away furiously. And Miroku had upped his efforts to manhandle her. The sound of slapping would punctuate the hour every hour, on the hour—practically.

And Inuyasha had been…_timid_…about letting Kagome sit on his back. Not that she'd been gung-ho about it either. And Inuyasha kept shooting her odd looks, as if sizing her up—and she kept glancing at his arms. _Is he going to take me up in those strong arms, and…_Everyone was simply feeling awkward with each other. Even Shippo was acting strangely. Every time he passed over a bridge he'd look into the water and admire his reflection, cocking his head and muttering, "Am I really a hunk? Maybe in a few years, let them see me then!"

That night, Kagome disappeared.

Inuyasha was frantic until he traced her scent back to the well. "Damn that woman!" he growled. "She's gone back for more…more…reading things!"

And indeed she had.

As soon as she resurfaced in the Warring Era she was beset by four excited figures all begging to see what she'd brought them story-wise this time. "Please, Kagome-sama, let me read it!" cried Miroku, fingers twitching. "Is any more written about Sango and I?"

"Kagome, hurry and read it already!" Inuyasha said.

Sango exclaimed, "Kagome-chan, please read it to us…I mean, um, we could use some entertainment for a bit."

Shippo twined himself in Kagome's ankles like a cat. "Does this one star me again?"

Kagome held up some papers. "But I… I haven't read this one yet. I don't know what it's got in it…"

Everyone glanced at one another shiftily. Then they all started clamoring again.

Miroku finally snatched the papers and begin to read, wide-eyed in anticipation.

He read for a bit, as the others hastily settled down to listen to the reading in his beautiful speaking voice. But there was a pause.

"Kagome," he said at last, "What is a 'lemon' and why does it require warning?"

"I've no idea," Kagome said honestly. "It might mean there's something sad about this one."

Sango stiffened. "Sad? You mean…"

Kagome shuddered. "I try to avoid ones with summaries about one of us dying…but I don't know…"

There was a long silence, in which their new campfire crackled energetically. A cricket's chirping seemed very loud.

Then Inuyasha stood up and scoffed, "Us? Die? Keh! Not with me on our side!"

Kagome smiled weakly. "Then I bet this story won't be so sad. Let's listen to it."

So Miroku began to read. "The day Inuyasha moved away, Kagome's heart broke. They'd been best friends for so many years. Even so, Kagome could still remember how they'd met…"

He read and read. Inuyasha in the story had come back to Kagome's home town, looking super sexy and much older. (Inuyasha was blushing hotly and Kagome had scooted away from him. Miroku kept shooting Inuyasha raised-eyebrow glances). He and Kagome had reunited with one another, to find that each other was more attractive than they remembered last…

At this point Miroku was forced to halt. Everyone's mouth had dropped to their chests.

At last Kagome stuttered, "I- I- I did _what!_"

Inuyasha was sitting as straight as a statue, eyes as large as dinner plates.

• • •

"Something has to be done about this. It's unfortunate that we all have these strange ideas put into our minds, but–"

"Come now, Sango, you don't really regret it." Miroku rubbed Sango's back very invitingly.

Sango, uncharacteristically, started to giggle and turn pink. "Stop that, Hoshi-sama."

Inuyasha was sitting some distance from them. He and Kagome had been playing the sneaky-glances-at-your-body-while-pretending-not-to-be-looking game all day. Kagome kept thinking how nummy Inuyasha looked when he had his shirt off. Inuyasha was trying not to remember the times he'd accidentally stumbled in on Kagome bathing, and was failing.

Shippo jumped up onto a rock. "Something needs to be done about this!" he cranked. "You all are acting really weird!"

Inuyasha stood up and crossed his arms. "We've been making no progress with Naraku," he said unhappily. "Kagome, why did you show us this—stuff?"

Kagome bit her lip and said angrily, "Look, Inuyasha, I'm sorry! I couldn't help what I see and I couldn't just forget about it! I never meant to show anyone. Except that you kept bugging _me_ about _what was wrong!_ Remember?"

They started bickering furiously.

Sango and Miroku remained sitting very close. Miroku shook his head. "Tsk. Some people never learn. Oy! Inuyasha!" he called. "Why don't you just…er, use the message of those stories constructively?" He kissed Sango on the cheek. "It's helped our love to completely bloom."

Shippo eyed Miroku with Sango sitting on his lap. "I'll bet it has," he mumbled, feeling left out. _Why can't I be a hunk yet?_

Kagome glared at Inuyasha, wanting so much to relent and follow the example of Miroku and Sango. _He won't be able to relax, with Naraku on the loose. We're coming apart as a team, and it's all my fault!_

She suddenly sat down and sobbed. Miroku managed to wipe the smug look off his face to make room for the concerned look.

Inuyasha was instantly at her side. "Kagome, I—stop crying!" Then he remembered his behavior from the fan fiction, and gulped. "I didn't mean it. It's okay."

Kagome turned a relieved face to him and threw herself to cry against his…strong, manly...chest. Inuyasha turned bright red, and patted her hair.

"Inuyasha…I didn't mean to do this. I know that finding Naraku is the most important thing for you…I didn't mean to ruin this journey we've all been sharing…"

Inuyasha held Kagome away from him so he could look her in the eye. "Are you kidding! This wouldn't be happening without you, Kagome. And besides, Naraku's not the most important…It's…it's…"

Their eyes locked. And somehow, in a way completely better than any fanfiction writer could have captured, their mouths slowly drew closer and closer… Inuyasha was looking right into her tearing eyes. She was gazing right into his.

Inuyasha felt a stirring in him as he'd never felt before…and yet…

He suddenly pulled away. Kagome hid the crushing feeling as best she could.

"Ah, well," said Miroku, to break the awkward silence, "some don't work as well as I do. Right, Sango?"

Sango was looking at Kagome, who was looking at the ground with a strange expression on her face, and at Inuyasha, who was still looking at Kagome longingly. Sango said nothing, but picked up Miroku's hand and held it between her own hands. _Those two…there's something magical between them, and yet–_

Kagome suddenly was facing Inuyasha again. "Inuyasha," she blurted. "I- I think–"

Inuyasha gulped nervously.

"I have a brilliant plan!" Kagome exclaimed, some of the sparkle returning to her eyes. "I know what we can do…"

Sango reluctantly got out of Miroku's lap to go and sit by Kagome, rubbing her back comfortingly. "Tell us, Kagome."

Kagome was bursting with excitement. "I know how we can defeat Naraku!"

They were all on their feet now. "How!"

Kagome beamed. "I'll tell you when I get back. Ja ne!" She ran away from them and plunged into the well.

Inuyasha yelled, "Hey! Wench! Get back here!" He dove headfirst into the well to follow.

Miroku and Sango raced over to the well, watching as the blue glow faded.

The cricket was chirruping very loudly again. Miroku absent-mindedly gooshed it with his staff.

"I wonder what this is about."

• • •

Some time later… 

"And our secret weapon is…Taadaah!" Kagome held proudly up another sheaf of papers. "This!"

She grinned broadly for the first time in days. "Its…well, you might not understand this. It's a fiction about Naraku himself."

End of chapter 3!—

Kudos to beta reader Julie!


	4. Spellbinding Stories

Anachronist CH 4: SPELLBINDING STORIES

Is anyone catching the alliteration in all the titles? Cheesy huh :-) 

**Anachronist Fun Factoid**! **45,960 **Inuyasha fanfictions as of right now(Yikes!)

In the story, it is 1996, and so there would be fewer fanfictions.

Also I don't actually use anyone else's real fanfiction in my story. Sorry! (_I do accept payment for fanfic product placement though!)_

_This chapter is slow…but that's so that you get a nice surprise at the end!_

The following chapter takes place the previous day to chapter 3.

CHAPTER 4

The previous day…I already told you that! 

Kagome was toying with the mouse on her computer as she waiting for the screen to load the fanfiction. _It's only been three days since I found out about this… And it feels so weird still!_

But the fact that she was reading about herself couldn't stop her from browsing 5,000 fanfictions.

There were, of course, human limitations involved. Who wants to read stories about themselves dying and leaving the others brokenhearted? Kagome cried so much over the computer that she was asked to leave the library by a grouchy and puzzled librarian.

And she kept having nightmares, inspired by just the summaries alone. "Kagome has died and Inuyasha must face up to the darkness in his heart…" " "The final battle with Naraku is over, and everyone is dead except for Kagome, what will she do?" "Everyone has died, and Kagome has gone back to her own time for good and become a drug-addicted whore…"

_To think that once upon a time, getting criticized was the hardest thing to hear_, Kagome thought to herself as she picked herself up from the sidewalk where the librarian had tossed her._ Now I find myself hearing all the time that I'm lying dead in a field. No. That's not the _hardest_ thing. The hardest thing is to see some bonehead writer making Inuyasha die!_ Then she'd run sobbing down the street, not seeing the glances of surprised strangers as she ran.

It was certainly worth it to read _some_, though. If the summary checked out with her boundaries (NO death, NO violence, no sex…well, the last was iffy), then there was nothing between Kagome and her fanfiction, except the cranky librarian.

If she stayed too long, though, Inuyasha would come and drag her away…although he made sure to let her print out the chapter and pay the yen before doing so.

So far, Miroku had held a story-time meeting three times already, and the changes were profound among the little the group's members. After reading So Close and Yet so Far to everyone, Miroku and Sango had become a lot more close than far. One of Kagome's secret favorites was Book of Night with Moon, by dragonSpired48, which had caused Inuyasha to hide behind a tree to avoid the pitying looks of the others but prompted Kagome to go and give him a huge hug like he was a little boy again. And lastly, the powerful A day in the life of Kagome Higurashi caused everyone to laugh and cry and tell Kagome how great this 'IamTakahashi' writer was.

These titles were only a fraction of the great number of fanfiction stories that Kagome had devoured in her own time.

Of course, when it's a story about _you_…sometimes fact and fiction become blurred.

Just look at Sango and Miroku. He can't stop touching her. She can't stop hitting him. But the difference is, she's on his lap and he's kissing all the way up her arms to her neck.

When Kagome returned to the feudal age with Inuyasha and twenty pages of fanfiction for Miroku to read out loud, she snuck a look at Inuyasha. _Nothing's happened to us. Well, _something_ maybe, but…Not like with Miroku and Sango…_

On the positive side, the whole of events caused Kagome to work out the most brilliant plan she ever had.

_Back to the future! Present time:_

Kagome held up the pages in her triumph. "Don't you see? These fan fiction things have great power to turn reality to fantasy and back again! So this will work, I'm positive!"

Everyone was staring at her with open mouths.

"You can't be serious…" said Sango slowly.

Miroku stroked his chin and Sango's bottom at the same time. _Slap._ "Ow. My dear lady Sango, you are really quite strong. That'll come in handy, if you know what I– Ow!" Miroku rubbed his cheek. "Anyway, Kagome-sama. Your plan. Would it work?"

Kagome started to smile dreamily. "I'm willing to bet it would. I mean, this kind of thing has a huge fan group…I have to admit, it's kind of…attractive…"

The odd little half-smile on her face was starting to be disconcerting.

Inuyasha said, in a very edgy voice, "But this…this fiction…why would it work?"

Kagome looked the half-demon in the eyes. "Well, I mean, see how much these stories affect us. So I can see this having an effect on Naraku." To Miroku she said, "You want to give it a read?"

Miroku took the papers tentatively. He was reading to himself at a fairly good pace, when he stopped dead on page four.

He stared at the paper. He looked up to Kagome. Paper. Kagome. Sango's rear. Paper again.

"Um…Kagome-sama," he said after a few minutes of very silent perusal, "this…this…" He looked questioningly at Kagome. "You realize what this is?" His eyebrows were practically touching his hairline, and an uncertain smile was on his lips.

Kagome tried to stop her own smile from cracking her face. "You bet I do."

Inuyasha tugged at Miroku's sleeve sullenly. "Well, what is it? Tell me already!"

Miroku cleared his throat. "It's…erm. It's about Naraku."

Inuyasha growled impatiently. "I know all that already! But _what_ about him!"

Sango, reading over Miroku's shoulder, started to turn purple with the impact of what she was reading. Her eyes opened wide enough to capture mice. Her jaw dropped, and her stomach hinted its displeasure in a convulsive movement.

Kagome saw her expression and hastily said, "Sango, don't take it badly. It kind of grows on you."

Inuyasha was now tugging so hard on Miroku's sleeve that Miroku, with a backward glance in Shippo's direction, started to whisper in Inuyasha's ear. He whispered for a good while. And as each minute went by, Inuyasha sat more and more like a statue, his eyes grew rounder, his face looked more and more slack. He gulped once very audibly, and looked like words were so far from him that he wouldn't even try to say anything. Kagome was glad. She couldn't help but be scared of what would come out of his mouth when he got over the shock of hearing about–

"Hey! Tell me! Tell me!" Shippo pleaded.

"Nope," Miroku responded. "You wouldn't understand, I'm afraid."

Inuyasha was sitting as still as a stone. One could almost hear the ticking sound that meant his brain was grinding to a halt. His eyes reminded Kagome of scrambled eggs, sliding around on his face and looked mixed up.

Then Inuyasha shook his head. His hair was starting to puff up now, almost standing on end. "Wait…no…wait…no!"

Miroku crossed his arms and waiting for the explosion. But it didn't come. At least, not right away.

"Heh…" A weak smile crossed Inuyasha's stunned face. "Heh…heh…**AUGH**!" He darted into a tree and crouched like a squirrel on a high branch. "That's…that's…KEH!" His face was a brilliant shade of red and a flurry of emotions was flickering over his face. Kagome hoped his blood vessels wouldn't explode.

"Inuyasha, come down, she said coaxingly. "You don't have to worry just because…because…" At this point she couldn't contain it. She started to laugh and laugh. "Because…just because _Naraku's getting it on with your brother_! AHhaha!"

Everyone stared at Kagome, wondering the slightest bit about her sanity, and wondering more than a bit about the phrase "getting it on"…

"…KEH!"

• • •

Sango was sitting entranced with the story up before her eyes. Kagome knelt down beside her. "See? I told you it grows on you. It's good, huh. As long as you don't think about the characters too much."

Sango seemed to be fighting with her utter detestation for Naraku and the odd appeal of reading about a _more_ _than romantic_ relationship with a certain male demon she knew. "This isn't like _him_ at all," Sango said, referring to Naraku with a shudder. "I…I…Er, Sesshomaru's pretty good-looking, I suppose," she added, trying to change the subject.

Miroku put his head on her shoulder. "But I am even more so. Isn't that right?"

Sango petted his head but didn't say anything.

Inuyasha looked to be on the verge of throwing himself out of his tree and onto his head.

"…Sesshomaru…is…is…wh– WHAT?" he stuttered. His claws had started shaking, and one eye was twitching wildly. "I…but…Sesshomaru…Naraku…" Gagging sounds started to waft out of the tree.

"I know you you feel, Inuyasha. It took me a while to get over it," Kagome called up helpfully. "Just don't think about it too much. Block it from your mind. And don't visualize anything!"

The tree was shaking down leaves now. "Wench! Too late! Augh!"

Sango's features were twitching and she began to blush as she read on. "Oh my god! This is…er...Kagome, did you read this?"

Kagome shook her head. "I…er, read some like it. But I didn't think I could handle this one."

Sango nodded. "I suppose. But…Naraku?" Her face twisted, but she mastered the retching impulse. "And Sesshomaru? _Oh mi god!_ What are they doing?" She vanished behind the papers again.

"Let me see!" Miroku grabbed the fanfiction and started reading avidly. "Where? Where?"

Kagome said proudly, "Isn't it great? We send off this story to the soon-to-be couple, and let the love-fest begin!"

"…KEH!"

• • • • •

Note to slashy lovers: I've got nothing against slash. The MAIN reason for the reaction of the gang is because of WHO is doing what…namely Naraku the sick bastard.

On the other hand, Sesshy is so hot! Who will disagree?

And, uh…this will sound inappropriate…but don't you think that combo would make for some good slash? ;-)


	5. Altered Attractions

This story has been read only by me. Expect it to change after beta reader Julie FINALLY gets round to it! Jk,jk, Juls, don't hurt me augh! Whew. Anyways, this is just a rough copy I guess. Hope ya enjoy.

**Fun fact:** **46,292 Inuyasha fanfictions on as of now.**

(That's 332 new fics in the last four days alone!)

Some notes from me:

Some people were outraged at Sesshy-sama's behavior. Um, the thing is, that was a _fanfiction_ written by someone. Blame that fictional author, not me! ;-) Sesshomaru has not had a relationship with Naraku, except wanting to kill him, as far as I know.

Secondly, the authors mentioned by me, and the stories I mentioned, do not exist for real. Except the one called _Book of Night with Moon_ by dragonSpired48. Because that would be me! HaHA! Aren't I evil? I don't actually recommend it THAT much…in all honesty, it's very angsty. Keh.

Okay, next point: SUPER COOL thingy! (:-P) You know those fanfictions I mentioned in chapter 4? Well, if anyone wants to actually write those, I will make sure "Kagome" reviews every single chapter. I won't write about it in my story, but I and Kagome will definitely read it and review. So that includes a Miroku-Sango story called 'So Close and Yet so Far' and, about anything in general, 'A day in the life of Kagome Higurashi', and any other ones that appear here. If someone wrote something that'd be the coolest thing I can think of!

LAST thing: from now on chapters shall open with "famous quotes". These are complete bullshit. They are from fanfictions that either exist only in my mind or come from my own fics. :-D

Sesshy-fans, forgive the slightly irreverent look at our beloved youkai.

"Sesshomaru– A prince among demons, he has captured the imaginations of young women everywhere, in ways more than one and in positions more than one…."– J.T. Stead, "the Art of Sesshomaru"

CHAPTER FIVE: Altered Attraction

"ACHOO!"

Jaken wiped his nose. "Someone is talking about you, Sesshomaru-sama."

The tall, white-haired demon did not respond. He looked off into the beautiful sunset, seeing nothing, and focused only on his heartbeat. It clarified his thoughts. As if they needed clarifying.

"Sesshomaru-sama? Are we going to keep going?"

The new speaker was a small, obviously human girl, no higher than the great demon's knee.

Sesshomaru neither moved nor spoke. At least, not for a good while. He looked off into the beautiful sunset.

And looked off into the beautiful sunset. And looked some more and some more. All the while he made sure to see none of it.

Jaken was used to this kind of stoic silence…He sighed comically.

Rin raised an eyebrow. Despite having spent a good seventy-five fewer years than Jaken in Sesshomaru-sama's company, she understood his moods somewhat better. "Come, Aun," she piped to the great dragon-beast. Aun grunted off towards the beautiful sunset that Sesshomaru was so fixedly not admiring.

Sesshomaru walked ahead of Aun, still staring straight ahead. Crystal thoughts cracked open in his mind. It was the way of a high rank demon, to have a wall between you and your emotions. And yet…

One icy pupil slid around to glance at Rin, without turning his head. _Rin…what are you to me?_ In the habit of a demon's critical and precise analysis, he often thought this, always unemotionally. Well, that perhaps wasn't true. _It is true. It is true perhaps three-fifths of the time. No, it is true five-sevenths of the time. It is true two-thirds of the time that…that I…?_

He had especially thought about Rin in his mind since Naraku, that fool, had made that move against him by using the human girl as a tool. That half-bred scum of the earth, to take advantage of one greater than him in such a way! Naraku would most certainly pay for that. To act against _him_, Lord Sesshomaru, the powerful and only son of the great Inu-taisho!

_Not the only son. One of two. _If he had allowed himself, he might have also thought to himself,_ Not the only son. One of two. Inuyasha, you worthless little flea-ridden bastard, go suck an egg!_ But naturally such a thought would never occur to him to even think. Instead Inuyasha was an irritation that must be tolerated until such a time that he, Lord Sesshomaru, rib himself of the only other heir to the Inu-taisho name.

He categorized in his mind. _First hunt Naraku and make him pay bitterly for insults made against this Sesshomaru. Then shall I see to Inuyasha._ Once a demon made a commitment, he couldn't back away. To do so would be like weakening. Sesshomaru had long ago decided that Inuyasha would be much more likeable if he was dead, and once that had crossed his mind, he couldn't allow it to vanish completely…no matter how _ambivalent_ he felt toward that disgrace these days…

• • •

Inuyasha, as usual, was in disgrace.

"Keh! Why can't we try the way we always have!"

Kagome sighed for the millionth time. "Inuyasha, we can _still_ go after Naraku like always. This is a precautionary measure. In case of wardrobe malfunctions or technical difficulties or something."

Inuyasha crossed his arms. Why were they all ganging up on him?

"Look, wench, I don't know what kind of sick–"

Sango sighed more forcefully than Kagome. "Inuyasha! You are still obsessing! It's been a day and a half! Is that all you can think about?"

Inuyasha sputtered, but fell silent. He kicked at a stone. "Keh!"

Kagome at last took pity on him. She took hold of his arm, though he looked away sullenly. "Inuyasha…?" Too bad about those stupid fanfictions, she thought half-seriously as a sudden recollection of a scene in Like Sake for Chocolate flashed through her mind the instant she touched Inuyasha. By the embarrassed look on his face, he was remembering it too. Kagome swallowed and overcame those thoughts, and kept holding on to his arm, even though it seemed electrically charged, and the places his arm touched as she hugged it to her–

_STOP THAT_! She shook her head hard. "What's the matter, Kagome?" said Inuyasha, sounding slightly faint. He cleared his throat and tried again. "What's the problem now?"

"Inuyasha…don't take it so much to heart. It's just an experiment."

Miroku laughed. "Yes, Kagome-sama, as I have said before, your mind works in the most bizarre ways. How you thought of this plan is certainly beyond me, though it is not without cause."

Kagome blushed and defended herself. "Look, it was two a.m.! Everyone gets weird that late at night."

Inuyasha snorted. "Stop it with those fanfiction things, Kagome. They're trash."

Miroku shook Inuyasha's shoulder lightly. "You weren't saying anything like that the time we read Inuyasha the Half-Blood Prince. You just sat there with your eyes like two moons the entire twenty-seven pages."

"Shut up, monk!"

Kagome smiled and released Inuyasha's arm. He flashed her a quick look.

Kagome was very, VERY thankful she'd figured out the rating system. Secretly it was all very well to read _mature_ stories about him…and herself…at home, alone. But she tried to pick more innocent stories for Miroku to read to everyone. _Poor Inuyasha is so sensitive. I can't believe he can still look at me after Under the Goshinboku. That was an accident! I hadn't read it beforehand!_ He had just seemed to take it in and then force the idea away, all the while blushing and calling for a stop to the reading…but only half-heartedly…

_What would happen if I '_accidentally' _brought in an NC17 story?_ Kagome toyed with the idea but tossed it away. _Ugh. He'd never be able to touch me again. Besides I might not be able to stop myself, and where romance fanfictions are concerned I can't be considered responsible for my actions._

"Anyways, me and Sango are going to take Kirara and find Sesshomaru tonight."

"WHAT?" A vein was bulging in Inuyasha's forehead now.

"I shall also accompany them," Miroku said reassuringly. "No harm will come to them, I'm sure of it."

"You're really going through with that stupid plan!"

Kagome's brow wrinkled. "Come on, Inuyasha! I mean, swords are very good in their own way. But all's fair in love…and in war ,too, I mean, er..." Luckily no one paid attention to that little slip.

Miroku added, "She's right. Force is all right in its own way, but think about it Inuyasha. When strategy and power are combined, the battle is won. You should stay away from your brother at this point, but don't worry, we shall handle ourselves."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "This plan is crap. Do what you like!" Kagome (ignoring Inuyasha's blush of innocence) threw herself at him and hugged him. She thought to herself, _All's fair in love and war. Inuyasha, I'm growing up. You can too. We don't have to stay naïve forever. We can grow up...we can be something_ more._ You'll see, Inuyasha, that I love you. Someday you'll get why people write these stories about us. Your innocence is so cute!_

And he thought to himself, _this feels _nice

• • •

"Sesshomaru-sama! Someone is approaching!"

"Be silent. I already know. Stay here with Rin."

"Y-yes Sesshomaru-sama!"

Sesshomaru's nose had never yet failed him. _It's that hanyou's companions…the strange girl, and the warrior woman, and the monk. And their subservient demon as well. What do they want now? I don't much care._

"What is it?" he called, glaring at them with no expression whatsoever.

"Er…hi there Sesshy! I mean, um. Sesshomaru," Kagome said. Sesshomaru _almost_ inwardly cringed. '_Sesshy…….!'_

Sango threw Kagome an odd glance, and stepped in front of the girl. "Sesshomaru, we bring you something to read at your leisure. That is all. It is merely for your knowledge. And it concerns Naraku," she added.

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow exactly .034 cm. "Bring it here."

Sango approached very cautiously, the sheaf of paper extended in front of her. _Kagome…will this work? Can he even read?_

Sesshomaru was so close…it was almost intoxicating…Sango felt her knees go weak at the imperious, beautiful face so close to hers. _Don't think about that. Think of Miroku. Think of him touching my butt. Think of Miroku. Think of Mirok– how does a demon get so pretty! Prrreow! What the hell am I thinking, oh god–_

His long-fingered hand closed over the papers, and Sango drew hers back rapidly. "We'll…uh…be departing now," said Sango, trying to stay formal. "Um…so long… That is…with your permission we'll be going–"

Sesshomaru simply turned his back on them and walked away regally. All of them, even Miroku, couldn't help but watch Sesshomaru's –er– lower back as the demon walked away. Then Miroku shook himself, frightened at the power of the fanfiction. He felt around for Sango to reassure himself. She was still staring at Sesshomaru as he left.

"HEY!" _Slap._

Miroku had only felt as relieved to be slapped a few times before as he did now. "Ah…thank you, Sango. Your muscles are as finely tuned as ever." She giggled, an abrupt turnaround, and wrapped one arm around his shoulders. _Ah yes. The power of this strange fanfiction material…_ Miroku thought happily.

Kagome was still staring dreamily at Sesshomaru, but unlike Sango, she was thinking of Inuyasha. _It's a good thing we didn't bring him. He would have tried to fight, and ruined everything. Sesshomaru is more calm and thoughtful than that…but I love Inuyasha. So there! And Inuyasha's abs are probably ten times harder._

• • •

Few have ever seen Sesshomaru with _this _kind of frozen look on his face.

"Sesshomaru-sama?" Rin asked timidly.

Night had long fallen, stars twinkling around the full moon. But they seemed almost to match the icy glaze in the demon lord's eyes. Even the crickets had fallen silent and the wind had died to a shocked stillness. Waves of anger were crackling around Sesshomaru. He stood. The papers were clenched in his hands.

His organized thoughts were all in disarray.

He bared a fang. What was going on? His heartbeat was speeding up.

"Sesshomaru-sama! What is it, what is it!" came Jaken's squeaky voice. "Let me see!"

But Sesshomaru leaped at Jaken, squashing him flat under one foot, leaped up, and with a great flash of claws– ripped at the air– a tree groaned and caved, split in half by the force of the demon lord's attack.

Sesshomaru forced himself to calm as showers of pine needles poured down on him. Looking less chic and more like a spiky tribal carving, he turned to face his three faithful retainers. None even thought to laugh at the pine needles that poked every which way out of his beautiful hair.

"This Sesshomaru," breathed Sesshomaru, "is going to find Naraku. Jaken, you will take Rin and go wait for me in the cave by the river. _Now go._" There was no arguing. Icy blue flames were almost visibly radiating around the demon lord's body, and the grass around his feet started to wither, thinking it was winter. What was going through Sesshomaru's head at that moment, no one may ever know. Then again, no one has ever witnessed Sesshomaru checking out his appearance in the surface of a lake, either…which is what he proceeded to do before springing into the evening sky.

• • •

Upwind of Sesshomaru, three shadows watched his flight into the air, their scents disguised.

"My, my," said Sango. "He looks even finer when he's angry."

"I wonder if this is what repressed sexual tension looks like," Miroku mused. "And naturally, Sango, your next comment will be, 'But Miroku is most definitely the sexiest man alive'."

Sango patted his head and said nothing.

"If Inuyasha were here he'd say it… so I'll say it for him," Kagome said. Her eyes followed the path of the white-haired demon. "_Keh_."

End chapter five!

Pip pip!

P.S. THANK YOU REVIEWERS, even the ones who hated the last chapter. Thanks for reviewing. It makes me feel niiiice.

P.P.S. Don't get your pants in a twist about Sesshy and Naraku. You'll see what happens.


	6. Ideal Imaginings

ANACHRONIST ch 6

To reviewers: The heavens smile upon you. How do the heavens smile? Maybe it's like the big dipper except a smiley face. May a smiley face shine down upon you. And your computer. Definitely must include the computer.

A few notes. Erm. Can't think of any. Ah well. Oh wait, Trigger Happy Bibliophile. I have a response. That is to say _you'll see. Good questions but these are answered later._ Anyone who wants to see what was asked can just read over the reviews. Because I refuse to tell you on my own. Ehehehe. And yes Inuzrule-- you rule! (wasn't that creative.)

**Anachronist fun facts**: carnal embrace: when a man and woman erase the bubble of privacy between them. You know what I mean... Like…SEX! (please don't be offended, gentle ears.)

Suck-face: a crude slang term for the passionate art of kissing.

• • •

Chapter Six: Ideal Imaginings

Inuyasha lay back on his tree branch and waggled a foot in impatience. Kagome, Sango, and Miroku had been gone over fifteen minutes now. And it would take them at least an hour to locate Sesshomaru. _Well maybe less. It had better be less_. Inuyasha scowled at the tree's beautiful green canopy.

_What's come over Kagome lately? How come she can't just rely on me and Tetsusaiga anymore?_ He patted the sword's sheath comfortingly. Tetsusaiga swung a little sadly under his touch. _It wants to quit with this sissy stuff and go straight to the blasting_, Inuyasha thought sympathetically. But it couldn't hurt for Kagome to get this stupid fan fiction thing out from under her skin.

She'd been acting so weird ever since she discovered the stuff more than a week ago. It wasn't really _too_ noticeable. But Inuyasha could tell. Was it really like Kagome to plan to give Sesshomaru a copy of some writing she'd found, hatching plots and…and doing…well, acting all different around him?_ That story would turn Sesshomaru's brain inside out_, Inuyasha thought, half-gleefully. _But I wouldn't wish that fanfiction on anyone. Not even Sesshomaru. Well, except for Naraku. But…it's about him. Wait. Do I get where this plan is going?_ Inuyasha's thoughts were all confused now. This whole situation was beyond him.

A mental image of Sesshomaru bringing Naraku's face up to his for a suck-face episode snuck into the air in front of his eyes.

_Whoomph._ Inuyasha hit the ground.

He sprang up right away, daring anything and anyone to laugh at him. Shippo, thankfully, knew enough to keep his mouth shut when Inuyasha sent his baleful glance his way. Shippo for once seemed to see this as an opportunity to scamper off by himself and go play. _Keh. Maybe the brat's growing up. Not likely._

One eye still twitching, Inuyasha crawled shakily back to his branch. _I need to think about something else. I need to think about something–_ a mental image threatened to surface again, involving Sesshomaru and Naraku once more– _DAMN IT!_

Those fanfictions! Now, if _he_ could have his say, a fanfiction would definitely be about something else. Say, himself. And Kagome. And Sango and Miroku. And Kikyo of course.

So if I had my way… 

Inuyasha's fanfiction!

Kikyo stood on a grassy hill, the wind blowing through her hair and pulling her miko's outfit against her slim frame. _Wait. And she's all wet too._ The clothes clung to her outline. Water rivulets ran down her face from her hair.

She turned to face him. "Inuyasha… I'm alive again!" He ran to her, and she to him. All the pain of the past was erased in a close embrace. He could feel her heart against his chest, pounding with the rhythm of the living. She was pressing against him, clinging to him. Inuyasha stood, holding her, and let the suffering wash away from him, thinking 'We can be together. We can regain our lost future'. They stood in the embrace, warm against each other, as twilight set in. _Inuyasha could almost hear Miroku scoffing, 'Your innocence is charming, Inuyasha. If I had a fantasy with the woman of my dreams, I wouldn't be standing around in a loving embrace. _Carnal_ embrace, on the other hand, is–' That's enough of that. Back to the scene._

_But wait! Kagome, Kagome… How could I be happy without– Keh! What am I thinking. How about we just say Kagome…Kagome makes my heart calm. So…_

Kagome was standing in front of him. They were so close, that he was looking right into her eyes. She moved closer, and was touching him now. "Inuyasha…I…I had to give you this away from the others." She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. He was stunned a moment. But suddenly, his lips were on hers and his hand was on her lower back. She wound her arms around him, begging for– _WHOA! Whoa. Wait. No, no, it's those fanfictions talking. Not me. Kagome would never– she's not– _I'm_ not– No. _Inuyasha squirmed with embarrassment and shame.

Inuyasha stared morosely at the ground for a moment, wondering about himself and about her. _No, no. Maybe she likes me o- okay, but she would never want me– no_! He tried to turn away from those thoughts

There he was: Naraku! Inuyasha felt the power under his hands. Tetsusaiga was ready! Naraku unleased a deadly barrage of demons and youki. But Inuyasha was too strong for that! "You think that'll hurt me? Eat this! KAZE NO KIZU!"

A burst of youki roared from Tetsusaiga, burning a blazing path at Naraku. "What– no, noooooo--" Naraku's smirk was wiped right off his ugly face. "NOOOO!" The Kaze no Kizu raged right through the evil demon's body.

"Prepare to die, Naraku– you won't escape me! BAKYURHA!" Inuyasha's sword attack burst out in power and energy. It rushed at Naraku powerfully and destroyed him, every inch! Naraku was burned up into dust, defeat written on his face before he disintegrated into eternity! It was over, over at last! "Keh! Who wants to tackle me next!"

The demons of Naraku's were all terrified of him now. Inuyasha flexed his claws. "You aren't getting off easy!" he yelled as he sprang at them. "SANKON TESSOU!" The demons withered away under his mighty claws.

"Inuyasha! You did it!" Kagome ran to him and clasped him close for a passionate kiss, their mouths joining in his victory. "You are so strong!" she panted when their mouths parted. He basked in her admiration. Kagome's praise and belief in him was what his soul somehow craved. Then she stepped aside, for waiting to speak to him was Kikyo.

Kikyo's eyes flickered with emotion, and at last the ice melted. "Inuyasha," she said warmly. She smiled at him at last, and he felt a sudden ease, like a trigger finally released. He took her in his arms and she gave a little laugh of surprise. "Inuyasha…" And their mouths met, too, and it was just as passionate as Kagome's kiss had been. She was in his arms. "You protected me, Inuyasha. You beat Naraku, and now…"

Kagome was back again, and she was holding herself close to him. She was looking into his face…they were pressed against each other again, and he was hugging her close. _That's better. I could never be…kissing…Kagome…she's too above that. She's…_Then he was stroking her face, and she was trembling in his arms, crying gently. "Don't cry. We're all alive. I beat Naraku. We're okay." She smiled at him. "You're right. We are." And then she had kissed him again, and there was warmth running through him– _Stop it. Just stop it. Kagome would never kiss me like that….right…?_

Sango and Miroku were laughing and hugging Inuyasha now, and then each other, and Miroku pulled Sango to him in a tight embrace without feeling her up once. 'We're free–'

And then the friends all walked off happily into the sunset, and Inuyasha had Kagome and Kikyo on each arm. And they all lived happily ever after, and Inuyasha became the strongest demon in all of Japan, where even Sesshomaru finally…finally looked up to him. _Take that, Sesshomaru!_ Sesshomaru even smiles sometimes, and he has come to– _wait, wait…no. No, I beat Sesshomaru in a fight and he limps away in shame…Nah. Well forget that._ And as for Koga, the next time that he came around seeking Inuyasha's woman…er, seeking Kagome, Inuyasha left him a wimpering cub in his wake. Koga slunk off, tail between his legs, having wet himself out of fear. Only Kagome's touch stopped Inuyasha from killing the mangy wolf. And as for Shippo, he finally was left behind in…well, okay, Shippo finally started acting like a man. And never tried to touch Inuyasha's ramen again. _Oh yeah! How did I forget!_ Kagome, as a reward for killing Naraku, brought back a stack of Ramen so tall that Inuyasha couldn't see the top! Yummm.

With Kagome and Kikyo by his side, and the power of Tetsusaiga in his hands…or maybe the other way around…Inuyasha lived undeafeated and satisfied in his soul evermore.

end fanfiction au Inuyasha

_There_, Inuyasha thought to himself. _That was pretty good. Hmmm. I wonder if I could get someone to write it down for me?_ Then he blushed. _I'd never hear the end of it._

Where ARE they! 

Inuyasha stood up and started pacing. Which is hard to do in a tree, but Inuyasha was a pro at it by this time. _Keh. Let them come. I have plenty of ideas…_

Inuyasha lay back again, a smug smile touching his lips; _fanfictions may not be good for much normally_, he thought. _But I gotta hand it to you, Kagome… they're pretty interesting in their own way. Now let's see how much more I can kick butt._

He was quickly lost in his own daydreams, fanfiction-style…and though he wouldn't admit it to himself, there was much more opportunity for _action _involved in a fanfiction than in his life. At least, _that _kind of action. The other kind, there was just enough. And as far as his subconscious could tell, Inuyasha liked both kinds pretty evenly. Maybe. Inuyasha squirmed and wriggled with awkwardness and unease just thinking about– _Too bad there's been more sword action than…_ _Let's stop there._

• •

_Hope you enjoyed!_


	7. Paper Power

ANACHRONIST ch 7

All riiiiight! Chapter seven, now up. It's been ages since I updated. I'm guessing, as long as enthusiasm and time doesn't run out, that this fic will be about 20 chapters. Maybe more. I dunno. But I wanna share a personal little goal with you guys…shhhhh, keep it on the down-low, okay? Right…. (whispers) My goal is…

To get 100 reviews! Wheeeee! I don't write this for the reviews, of course, but…what the hell, I do. No, I don't. The reviews are like the ice cream on the side, the dental plan, the backseat of a Ford. Ahem. On to the story. And thanks, ya'll, for the reviews. It's good to know when I bring some more weirdness into people's lives. Plus I adore reading them. Ahh.

• •

Naraku shifted uneasily on the stone floor of his castle. He scowled. _That's the problem with these damn cold stone floors. My ass is frozen solid._ And he had a headache from all the thunder Kagura's winds were conjuring up.

"Kagura!" he snapped. At the moment he spoke, thunder boomed. "Kagura!" he spat. "Knock it off!" But his words were lost as winds howled.

"Kagura!" he shouted even louder. "I know you're doing that on purpose! Quit it!"

"Make me," snorted Kagura, opening the screen door. "You can't stand the fact you can't make me do your shit anymore."

"Quit bothering me. I need to plan more dastardly schemes. Spy on Inuyasha for me or something."

"Hmph. I'll gladly spy on Inuyasha. I hope I get to see him naked. He's really built. Unlike some people who sit on their big arse all day."

She floated out of the door with a laugh as Naraku slammed the screen door behind her so hard it shattered.

Doesn't sound like your normal Naraku/Kagura interaction, does it.

Scattered on the floor around Naraku were pieces of paper with typed hiragana covering them…

Six miles away, Kagome smirked to herself.

• • •

Forty-six hours earlier… 

Naraku doodled with a stick in the sand outside his castle. First he drew a bunch of squiggly lines and gazed fondly at it. He had meant it to be Kikyo. It actually looked quite a bit like a good portrait of George Bush with long hair—but how would Naraku ever know that? He stroked a side of Dubya's face with an evil smirk. "Kikyo…"

At that moment, Kagura landed with a whoosh, sending dirt all over Naraku's masterpiece. "Kagura," he muttered, eyes narrowed.

"Naraku," she responded. Her mouth twisted. "I have something for you…"

He glared beadily at her. Something was wrong with the witch. She acted as though she had a strange twitch. "What is it."

"The gift? Oh, it's from that girl Inuyasha travels with. Kagome."

"Inuyasha…" hissed Naraku. His eyes, if possible, narrowed even farther. No sooner had he done so than Kagura started to spasm.

"Kagura. What has been done." He shifted away from her spasming body in disgust. What was the matter with her? His only concern was that Inuyasha had found a way to poison minions like Kagura. "Kagura. Speak to m–"

"BAHAHAHA! You _do_ wear eyeshadow!" Kagura burst into tears of laughter. The inheld laughter poured from her. Wiping her eyes, laughing still more, she handed him a sheaf of papers. "I read this– on the way here– these– aren't dangerous– but you should watch out– because when you read them– ahahahah– AH!"

Naraku, mouth twisted in an ugly, evil frown, suddenly held her heart in his hand, squeezing. His fingers bit deeply into the pulsing heart in his palm. Even while gasping with pain, Kagura laughed weakly. "I know …what'll be …in your hands when you read this, Naraku…" She pointed a finger at his crotch, and then straightened the finger in an impression of–

–Naraku was so shocked that he dropped the heart.

Kagura pounced on it and with a quick flash–

It was hers!

She shrieked a wild shriek of utter glee.

"_It's mine again! Free!"_

…indeed. She was free. She whistled up a great typhoon, laughing as a gust of wind bore her up and up into the serene sky. Naraku was left trying vainly to restrain his hair as it scraggled over his face.

He ground his teeth so hard that a front tooth fell out.

Bearing a slight resemblance to Alfred E Neuman, Naraku tried to give his evilest glare to the ecstatic witch. His complete look of utter malice was spoiled by the fact that his hair was standing on end like a troll doll and he had a gap in his teeth. But no matter. Kagura was free. She could do anything she wanted– including annoy Naraku out of his wits.

But Naraku is a wily creature. No sooner had he lost his control of Kagura then he instantly sent a tentacle to wrap around her ankle. She frowned and tried to kick it off, and it snapped. No sooner had it done so, the tentacle fragment solidified into a band around her ankle. "What the–?" she cried. Naraku hoisted an evil smirk onto his features.

"You are bound to me, Kagura. I created you. Don't forget that."

"I haven't," she retorted, and sent more dust whirling into his face.

When the dust cleared, Naraku sat looking definitely worse for the wear, but grim and determined. "Go pick up those papers."

"Come off it, you old fart."

"Do it!"

Feeling a nasty twinge in her ankle, Kagura sighed. "All _right."_

Naraku sat and watched as she gathered the scattered papers. She dumped the stack on his lap. "I wouldn't do it for you, but I want to see your reaction." She smirked. "Have fun."

She whirled into the sky, no longer crowing her freedom, but feeling lighter than she had since her creation.

And Naraku, disgruntled and angry, started to read the magic words that had caused such a blip in his plans.

• •

And so it was, that when Sesshomaru landed just outside Naraku's mystic shield two days after that strange event, Naraku, watching in Kanna's mirror, felt his pockets grow a bit tighter. So to speak.

"Forget Kikyo. I gotta get me some of that!"

Sesshomaru watched icily as the shield parted to admit him. He strode boldly in, eyes fixed on Naraku, standing yards away.

Naraku found himself unsure what to do. A cold glaring stand-off? A formal handshake? A kiss on each cheek?

Sesshomaru stopped about a yard from Naraku.

They stood, long silver and black hair blowing in a slight wind. Cherry blossoms showered down upon them. How very romantic…right?

At the same moment that Naraku moved into to plant a kiss of Sesshomaru's beautiful lips, Sesshomaru moved forward, too–

And socked Naraku right on his puckered lips.

"Gah!" Naraku roared as he fell back. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like, worthless half-breed?"

Naraku stopped dead. "You know?"

Sesshomaru laughed mirthlessly. "I know that I have more reason than ever to kill you."

Naraku pouted a minute. Then he said, "You wouldn't even consider for a moment sleeping with me?"

This was so far out of left field that Sesshomaru's stolid glare flickered.

"What did you say?"

"I said, would you consider sleeping with me."

Sesshomaru found himself suddenly at a loss for words.

Naraku watched Sesshomaru carefully. Surely the emotion flickering on the demon's face was the struggle of passion trying to reveal itself.

"We'd look so good together. We'd make a great couple. You and I." Naraku said dreamily. "I've always wanted to be married in a white haori."

Sesshomaru stared.

Naraku gazed fondly at Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru fidgeted. Naraku blushed.

Finally Sesshomaru said coldly, "It would be wrong to kill you when so obviously you are completely out of your mind."

He sailed up into the sky. Naraku yelled after him, "It's normal to be afraid of commitment! We can work it out!"

There was a silence.

Kagura was gaping at Naraku with an open mouth. Sesshomaru paused in the air, slowly turning around. "I have something for you," he said.

Naraku beamed.

"It's this." Sesshomaru neatly and suavely flipped Naraku the bird before zooming off.

Naraku sighed wistfully. "He'll change his mind, Kagura. I must have that man."

"He's pretty hunky," agreed Kagura.

"You touch my man, you die!" said Naraku, voice several octaves higher than normal.

"Bring it. Whoever wins Sesshomaru's heart first gets to keep him," challenged Kagura.

"You're on, wind witch. It's obvious to everyone that Sesshomaru prefers someone just as much man as he is for a lover."

"You mean, Inuyasha? Cuz that would be just _wrong_." Kagura sneered.

Naraku gnashed his teeth again. "Inuyasha! I must devise a clever fate for him before he can beat me!"

Kagura peered at him. "I was joking. Inuyasha's not looking for a night in Sesshomaru's bed–"

Naraku was shouting now. "He sent me those papers! He thinks his stupid Kagome can win Sesshomaru? We'll see who gets Sesshomaru's heart! Beat _this_ Inuyasha!" he raged. "I'll fight fire with fire. I've got a perfect plan– and I need you. _Come._ We'll make it so that Kagome and Inuyasha are as undesirable to my beloved as you are to me. Let's go."

Naraku dragged Kagura, who was scowling furiously, back into the castle. Already a wondrous plan was churning forth from his mind.

• • •

"You _what?_" raged Inuyasha, looking pale and nauseated.

"Sorry, Inuyasha," mumbled Kagome meekly. "But I changed the plan. This way will have some pretty cool effects, I'm sure of it."

Inuyasha was almost frothing now. "But you– Sesshomaru–!"

Kagome sighed and kneaded her forehead with her palms. "Fanfiction is powerful, yes. But it's fiction. That's all there is to it. Inuyasha…you already know I–"

"But it's sick! Who are these freaks who write about you and Sesshomaru, together? Kami! Where's Tetsusaiga? Argggg!"

Sango interrupted. "Let me get this straight. Naraku received the stories about him and Sesshomaru–" she bravely fought down the gagging reflex– "as well as a story about _you_ and Sesshomaru–"

"And that means– Sesshomaru got what, Kagome?"

"Well– I gave him the truth."

"You …love… Sesshomaru?" squeaked Inuyasha. The abandoned-puppy look on his face was too much for Kagome. She flung herself at him. "Oh, Inuyasha!" She huggled him and started cooing at him.

"Erk…" Inuyasha said, looking mortified.

Miroku said, "Sango if you talked to me like that I'd be all over you in no time."

Sango said, "Miwoku, wassamattah you wanna some of mommy huh?"

They fell over together into a convenient bush.

Kagome patted a doggy ear on Inuyasha's head.

"No, I don't love Sesshomaru. But I found a way of telling him everything he needs to know. I wrote to him about us. I wrote him of our story. _And_ I gave him a fanfiction about him and Naraku, saying Naraku was reading that at that very moment."

The bush near them giggled with smooching sounds, and then a small, playful slap.

Kagome gave the bush an envious glance, but swallowed the emotion.

"I think this plan is pretty solid. I decided to ask Sesshomaru to be an ally, instead of using him as a pawn. I told him the story of our journeys. Deep down I know it'll affect him somewhere."

"Maybe his stomach, after he eats that paper."

"Ha ha, Inuyasha. Manipulating Naraku is all right, but Sesshomaru–"

Inuyasha suddenly pulled Kagome to face him. His nose was about two inches from hers.

"Kagome– you'd never manipulate me. Right?"

Kagome was stunned and hurt. How could he even _think_ that? "Never," she said, blinking back the tears.

Inuyasha's gaze met hers for a long second, then he pulled her into an apologetic hug. "It's crazy for me, having to accept this weird plan of yours. But I know you wouldn't get us into anything that would hurt any of us. Right?"

Kagome shook her head, feeling even more wounded by his words. "It's just something I thought might work," she said quaveringly. She lowered her head onto Inuyasha's broad chest, trying not to think of the many ways that strange unknown people had described Inuyasha's body, and trying to overcome a strange feeling of guilt.

But there was another factor that Kagome had not worked into her plan.

Kikyo stood on a faraway hillside, arm upraised. A soul stealer twined around her fingertips.

"Kagome," she whispered to the wind, "what have you done?"

next chapter: Naraku's plan, Sesshomaru's worries, and Kikyo's actions! Plus, Inuyasha stumbles across some graphic fanfiction.

Hope you guys like it. I'm having trouble remembering my original plans for this story. Review with ideas, comments and/or complaints, all are fine. Thanks!


	8. Underhanded Undertakings

Anachronist ch8

Underhanded Undertakings

Thank you reviewers. I love you! Mwah! Some of you write very cute things. Like soapfiction. And Inuzrule. And Triggerhappy Bibliophile. And all you others too ("Let them eat cake"!). (But those three are the most constant reviewers). Anyway I can't believe it is soon to be August. (boo!)

**Break a leg, ARCADIA**! (That is the play that I am co-director of, which opens this weekend July 30 and 31! This means I have to publish this special chapter in honor of that! Before the show so all of you can wish me and twelve others good luck! IT IS SO AWESOME! We just had a 4pm to 9:30 pm rehearsal and it was great. We put on the show in the cul-de-sac outside my house and I totally set up the lights and we have a "shell" (basically a wooden backdrop) that is portable and that we set up and take down each rehearsal of hell week (last week b4 performing).

We'll be out there with an audience at 6:30 pm til about 9:30 (it's a full length play by Tom Stoppard and it kicks f-ing ASS! It's about gardens, hermits, queer people, theodolites, tortoises, carnal embrace (see chapter 6 of Anachronist), calculus, physics, England, death, dahlias, waltzing, history, mystery, and the universe. Pretty killer. If you want directions to come see the show (provided you live in San Diego or La Jolla, CA, USA) _email me_ by sending me a review (that's the easiest). I don't expect any takers but hey, the message is out there now.

Now that you put up with all that blabbing you get the chapter. I promise to try and make it good.

- -

Underhanded Undertakings

Sesshomaru, for once in his life, did not know what to do. Unless you count the time when he did not know whether to kick Jaken or merely step on him. No, this was much worse. How could he respond to such weird goings-on?

First on his neatly organized mental list was Naraku. That bastard, what was up his sleeve? But that look of desire on the hanyou's face…Sesshomaru didn't even need Naraku's scent message to read _that_ look. He'd seen it all too many times. The thing was, those were usually _female_ youkai. Certainly not an evil, unwashed, archnemesis _male_ hanyou. The very thought was disgusting.

He shuddered fractionally. Well, okay, it was only his pancreas that shuddered. He would never let it show on the outside. But Rin, the bright child, could sense something wrong.

"Sesshomaru-sama?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

Most times Sesshomaru would not answer the girl. Why bother? But this time, he stopped and looked at her. Something that girl Kagome had written to him in the packet of papers he'd received only a few days ago had somehow clung to him, even after he let all the paper burn away into crumbling ash.

He wondered if Inuyasha's girl had told that hanyou what she had written: a story from the point of view of Inuyasha.

"_I was alone. I was surrounded by worlds I cannot be part of. But each person I am with now is like a bright of light where there was only darkness."_

He didn't know why it had stuck with him so. After all, the girl 'Kagome' was clearly no extraordinary writer. Some of it was almost wince-worthy. But her words had a way of somehow flickering up in his precise memory; and this one, along with all the other thoughts you have just been reading, flickered up in the one-and-a-half-second pause between Rin's question and his answer.

"There are strange games afoot. Something is out of line with the world. We must be careful. Even more so, we must take precautions against strange proceedings."

Rin beamed so broadly at the cryptic answer that Sesshomaru almost felt glad he'd said something for once. But that was before he remembered that Sesshomaru-sama does not feel _glad._ Maybe amused, or satisfied. _Not 'glad',_ he told himself firmly.

Later, as the sun was starting its downward descent in the sky, did the strange occurrences really begin.

Sesshomaru could smell the approach of something with Naraku's scent all over it. "Rin, get back!" he barked. No sooner had he said it than Kagura landed in the grass before him, bent over her feather.

"Yo," she said, and with a smirk, stood up.

Her outfit was a bit breezier than normal. That is to say, not many places weren't feeling the open air.

Sesshomaru, to his credit, did not even flinch. To his shame, though, his eyes of their own accord did a complete once-over.

"Yo, Sesshomaru. I just came to see how things are."

"What do you want," said Sesshomaru when he found his voice again.

"What, you can't tell?" said Kagura playfully. She was holding her fan in front of her chest. "Why don't you see for yourself?" She made as though to let the fan fall.

"No!" Sesshomaru said firmly, some part of him thinking of Rin's mental stability, and some part of him thinking maybe he should say nothing and just let what happens happen. "Go back to Naraku."

"But I want to be with you-uu-ou!" said Kagura, pouting her rouged lips. Then something seemed to cross her mind. She stood up and crossed her arms. "I won't go," she said in her normal tough voice. "I'm tired of him and I'll follow you. Let me. I'm strong, stronger than Inuyasha. Not stronger than you, though."

_Hmph. Inuyasha_, thought Sesshomaru with only a touch of his usual irritation at hearing that name. "How come you haven't taken his head, then?" he said in a bored tone.

Kagura flushed, but said, "I'd much rather take you." She smiled naughtily at him.

At that moment, a great gust of wind blew through the trees where the two were standing, and a great cloud of demons appeared in the sky. Kagura scowled ferociously. "Damn him!" she swore.

"Has he come to fetch you back?" said Sesshomaru dryly.

She gave him a half-sour, half-appraising look. "Not as much as to fetch _you_."

Sesshomaru raised his eyebrows an entire centimeter this time.

The cloud of demons drew closer. Riding among them was a white-cloaked figure.

Then the demons were rushing through the trees, forming a great ring of demons around the others, and the figure dismounted.

_Whoosh!_ The skin was flung dramatically off. Standing before them, hair tangling sexily around him, was Naraku. Wearing leather pants and nothing else. A cigarette (or his best impression of one) dangled between his fingers, and the other hand held a leather jacket over one muscled and demon-spiked shoulder.

"Hey," he said to Sesshomaru, eyes narrowed and mouth smirking. "I'm not wearing underwear. Wanna check it out?"

Rin, by this point, was trying to revive Jaken, who had started jerking spastically on the grass at these affronts to his beloved master. She too was in somewhat of a state of shock. She had never seen anything before more scandalous, and even Koga's wolfy skirt couldn't compare.

Kagura was casting an eye over Naraku now, tapping her lips with her fan. Then she shook out of it. "Hey," she snapped to him. "Better scram before he scrambles you."

"Cut it, witch. As if having mammary glands hanging out will help _you._"

Kagura started to laugh a slightly forced laugh. "What a retard! 'Mammary glands'! Whatever! It's so obvious the limit of action for you was watching Kikyo's chest rise and fall as she fed you, you pathetic geezer!"

Naraku turned a becoming shade of puce. "You—you know about that!"

"Yeah. It was written in one of those stories I read. So?"

Naraku clutched at his bare chest, looking pale. Kagura was looking disdainful. "So do I win our contest by default?" she asked sarcastically. "My opponent down by pathetic chickenheartedness and excessive naïveness?"

"Shut up!" snapped Sesshomaru. "If I have to come over there you both will be sorry! Who started this?"

"He did!" said Kagura and Naraku at once, pointing at each other.

"And you are both going to quit it right now."

"It's not fair. You've always liked Kagura better," whined Naraku.

"He does not!"

"I do not."

"Yes you do. You wanted another girl, I just know it."

Sesshomaru took a deep breath. Already he was (deep down, of course) furious that he'd let his (Keanu Reeves) look drop and let his fur be ruffled. To calm himself, he envisioned himself glowing icy blue with cold flames and holding Kool-Aid (What?), and it worked.

"Both of you should prepare to die at the edge of my sword," he said in an utterly smooth voice. "But the world is off color today. I'll kill you another time."

"Go ahead, kill me," said Kagura, baring her neck and also other things at him. "Sink your blade in deep, deeper!"

"Playing dirty, are we?" growled Naraku to Kagura. Then, to Sesshomaru, "Look here, baby. I know how to give a good time." He walked right up to Sesshomaru and let his leather-clad hips touch Sesshomaru's. Sesshomaru instantly jumped away, looking revolted.

"Look who's the naïve one," said Naraku, licking his lips. "I can change that. Don't run away, baby. You just haven't realized your true potential yet."

Rin recognized the signs of trouble as Sesshomaru's hair all started to stand up. His eyes were turning red, and his face was elongating–

–"Ooh, that's _hot,"_ Kagura said–

And then Rin tugged hard on Sesshomaru's sleeve. "Let's go," she begged. Sesshomaru, without even answering, grabbed up Rin and kicked up Jaken and soared away into the dimming sky.

"Rats," said Kagura, picking herself up. "I might've had something going, but _you_ had to show up in your outlandish getup. As if Sesshomaru would fall for that."

She, on the other hand, was having a hard time not staring.

"And you," snarled Naraku. "You have no sense of class. Looking like that, I wouldn't even use you to make a fire." (While thinking with amazement, _How did I create a woman who's so fine?)_

"Keh," snapped Naraku, turning her back. "I say the war is ON."

"When it comes to you, everyone's turned OFF," quipped Kagura.

"Ha, ha. We'll see who has the last laugh!" Naraku snorted.

And Kikyo stood completely unobserved, on a hilltop not far away. She had been able to overhear everything. But, being a woman, a miko, and living dead person, not much had _shocked_ her. Only surprised her. And worried her.

She had her work cut out for her, for sure. She had to find out where leather came from, first of all. But not to wear any. No, certainly not that. Well maybe she'd try on something, just to see– anyway, she had to talk to Sesshomaru. And soon. She, too, could feel the disjointed feel to the world. It was growing stronger each passing day. And, being from hell, she could feel it so strongly that she felt as though any second she'd fall.

"And I thought the world was off its rocker when Bush was re-elected."

That's when she realized how much trouble they were in.

--

Inuyasha and Kagome were sitting on a riverbank above a clear stream. As usual, they were stuck watching the happy couple of Miroku and Sango had a grand time feeling each other up under water and having splash fights.

"Got your water-clothes?" said Inuyasha, trying to quash the hopeful feeling. "You can go join them. I don't mind."

"I wouldn't want to intrude on their moment without some rational company."

"What does that mean?" said Inuyasha teasingly.

Kagome said without hesitation, "It means you should come too, and only be wearing your pants."

That awkward moment was broken by the furious arrival of Sesshomaru, who crash landed into some shrubbery.

Inuyasha sprang up. "Sesshomaru!"

Sesshomaru pulled himself out of the bush with dignity, ignoring the leaves twined in his silver hair.

"Inuyasha. You. Will. Die!"

Inuyasha looked not at all surprised, pulling out Tetsusaiga in a fluid motion. Sango and Miroku stopped splashing. Miroku instantly threw himself at Sango. "Get down!"

"Get off me!"

"You're safer there."

"Not from you, I'm not." They began giggling again until Sesshomaru snapped "Silence!" There was silence.

Kagome looked like she was having trouble breathing. "Sesshomaru- but I–"

Seshomaru froze her with a glare. "You! Girl! I never thought this would come of you."

Kagome's face was horrorstruck. "Wait- I sent _you_ the story about–"

"What you sent me was interesting, badly written, and just barely acceptable, but it was not worthy of my attentions. But your _actions_–"

"I can smell Naraku on you!" interjected Inuyasha angrily. "Been consorting with the enemy, have you?"

There was a silence in which Sesshomaru's hair started to puff up again. Hairs sprung out of place with a small twanging sound. Gritting his fangs, Sesshomaru spat, "Explain your comment or never explain anything again, hanyou."

Inuyasha looked taken aback. "I only meant…wait…" –he shot a helpless glance to Kagome– "oh, wait a second…" Now he was struggling not to laugh with embarrassment and disgust. "Eurgh, I mean, I didn't think about that story, but…uh–"

Sesshomaru was looking as though only utter self-control was stopping him from hurling Inuyasha bodily into the river. Kagome said anxiously, "But, Sesshomaru… I thought…I mean–"

Sesshomaru looked at her coldly. "What you have done is a crime," he growled. "I know exactly what you showed Naraku, though apparently he got a version somewhat different than mine. I received from your friends here" (this said to Inuyasha) "several pages of badly written angst from your pathetic woman in your point of view, Inuyasha, in addition to a strange story involving" (here Sesshomaru used every last scrap of restraint, and yet his voice still cracked) "myself and Naraku."

Kagome looked on the edge of tears. Inuyasha looked torn between trying to saw Sesshomaru in half, and going to Kagome to say 'I told you it was a bad idea, wench!'. Then he sighed. Those damn fanfictions. He knew what he _should _do, according to them. _Might as well,_ he thought.

"Don't worry, Kagome," said Inuyasha, putting an arm around her. "It'll be alright. Look, Sesshomaru, what is it you want? An apology? You ain't getting one!"

Sesshomaru glared. "It's all the proof I need that you are so utterly low-class I need not worry about soiling my claws on you!" He sprang at Inuyasha, claws outstretched. Kagome screamed. Sango yelped and jumped up to stand helplessly with Miroku as the two brothers bit and scratched. Strangely enough, though the both were dog demons, they seemed to be cat-fighting. Thankfully the swords were sheathed.

Kagome was stunned. Her wondrous plan had backfired. Everything was going wrong! Sesshomaru was supposed to be touched by Inuyasha's story and never pick on him again! He was supposed to lay aside their differences. And it stung that he thought her writing was bad. But that didn't matter. Why were they fighting? She couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop! Stop it! Stop it now!" She started splashing them with water, like you do with fighting dogs. The brothers stopped biting, and sat glaring at each other. Sesshomaru looked surprisingly ruffled. Inuyasha too looked rather ragged.

"Bad! Bad dogs!" scolded Kagome.

Inuyasha gave her a glance with his head cocked to one side. It was so adorable that Kagome knelt down beside him and petted an ear. "It's okay," she crooned. "We'll work it all out." She stood up again.

"Right. No more fighting!" she commanded.

Sesshomaru stood up, too, very dignified despite the dust and bite marks. "I'm leaving now," he announced. "If I continue in such low company for much longer I shall be a degraded demon."

"No. You'll– We'll all stay right here!" blazed Kagome, aware that everything was very much her fault, and determined to fix it. "We're going to work this all out right now."

"No," corrected Sesshomaru icily. "We'll correct it once I'm done with my hot spring. Let's go, Rin. Sunset, here. We shall meet."

"Ooh!" Sango said. "Are you going bathing, Lord Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru felt slightly gratified. _This_ was more like the attention he was used to. "Come, Rin." He and his followers sailed away into the afternoon sky.

Sango watched him go. "That lucky little girl. Not that I'm thinking anything like that!" she said hastily at Kagome's and Inuyasha's disgusted looks. Miroku, however, patted her on the head, saying only "That's my girl."

--

However, sunset came and went. Sesshomaru did not reappear. Kagome faced her friends with resignation. "I suppose we'd better keep hunting shards starting tomorrow morning," she said in defeat. "Forget this whole thing ever happened."

Sango, sitting on Miroku's lap, was too busy kissing him to answer. Miroku of course had his hands full. Shippo was lifting weights he'd designed himself. Inuyasha was drawing hearts in the dirt and quickly covered them up when he saw Kagome looking.

Something about the scene made Kagome highly doubt things could go back to normal. But what to do? Had her plan come to no true avail except to change everything in the background, like a Rubik cube whose side has been shifted out of its set pattern. _My true goal was to…to…_ she could no longer remember. It all seemed so unclear. But she had to keep on with something. There had to be something.

"Let's go to sleep," she said, and there was such a resigned note in her voice that Miroku and Sango parted with a squelching noise, and Shippo ran to her anxiously. Inuyasha looked over at her, worried. He made to touch her, to comfort her– but Kagome flinched.

Kagome couldn't believe she'd flinched from _Inuyasha_. Everything had gone wrong for her. Only Sango and Miroku had come out ahead of the game, apparently. She wasn't sure she liked the direction their relationship had taken, anyway. _I mean, it's hard to talk to Sango when her mouth is attached to someone else_, thought Kagome resentfully. _And now I can't even be comfortable with Inuyasha touching me like I've always wanted him to._ "Sorry, Inuyasha," she said. "Let's just go to sleep."

Tired and heartsore, she lay down. Miroku put out the fire. There was utter quiet. Then she felt an arm around her. "It's me," Sango's voice said. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I haven't been around much for you lately. We need to think of something new. We can do it. Tomorrow is a new day, after all."

Kagome smiled. "Thank you, Sango-chan," she whispered gratefully, snuggling down in her sleeping bag.

--

She dreamed in wild colors of ideas, spinning round desperately in her head. When she awoke with the new sun, her mouth was dry and her head fuzzy.

She saw Inuyasha sitting up by the river, his back to her.

"Morning, Inuyasha," she called hoarsely.

Inuyasha jumped a mile high. "Goo– good morning–" he said without turning around. His voice sounded very strange.

"Wow, your throat too, huh? Maybe we should get a drink of water. I'll refill my bottle." She headed over toward the riverbank.

"DON'T COME CLOSER!"

Kagome froze in her tracks.

"I'm sorry about last night. Inuyasha, I'd never turn from you. I was just–" She came toward him, put her arm around him, looked him right in the face with pleading-for-your-trust shining in her eyes.

No sooner did she do it than she leaped back in shock.

"…what!"

"Gods," whispered Inuyasha, hiding his face in his arms. "Am I so horrible?" His voice quavered.

Kagome ran forward and hugged him as he was about to leap desperately into the trees. "No– Inuyasha– stay here, with me! I– I don't want to chase you away. _Please!_ You know I'll always…always care for you no matter what!" Her voice was so full of emotion he stopped trying to tug away.

"Mgggfff." Inuyasha said, covering his face with his sleeve.

"Yeah." Kagome tried to laugh. "It's just, for a moment when I hugged you it felt like– and when I looked at your face–"

Inuyasha burst into furious dry sobs. "Yes! I KNOW!"

He faced her full on. His haori was much tighter over his chest than normal. "It hurts!" Was it just the early morning light, or was his face different, too? The sun was behind him; Kagome was squinting badly.

"Let me see," said Kagome cautiously. When had Inuyasha sobbed before!

Ignoring his protests, she opened his haori– and her mouth fell open wide enough to put Nebraska comfortably inside.

"Oh my god!" she squeaked. "You've got–"

Inuyasha let out a desperate noise. He– or should we say _she_ ?– clutched his head and wailed,

"_I'M A WOMAN!"_

--the end of Ch8! Eeheeheehee!--

Go ARCADIA! We just had a late night rehearsal that didn't go too well and it went late, but oh well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TESS! THE CAST ROX! WOOT!

P.S. If your neighbors have a lawn, and take a trip to Alaska, at 10 pm go and slide around on the condensation under the stars on their grass and relieve some energy by wrestling and then talking under the night chill sky. That was so fun.


	9. Feminine Fracas

Anachronist ch 9

I just couldn't leave the woman thing hanging. So to speak.

Soapfiction: you are very creative. Wow. Unfortunately some of that doesn't quite fit but you are also quite good at reading my mind. So you never know.

To those who wished me luck on the play (MikaSono, Trigger Happy Bibliophile) I love you! It went really well, we made over 200 dollars in donations and got a standing ovation! Hooray! God bless Tom Stoppard! Et in Arcadia ego!

Oh, and Inuzrule: sorry about the rabies. All the same, W must be jealous of that army.

Arcadia quotes 

- _Bernard:_ "Come with me to London." _Hannah:_ "What for?" _Bernard:_ "What for!" _Hannah:_ "Oh. Your lecture." _Bernard:_ "No, bugger that. Sex."

- _Valentine: _"Did Bernard bite you in the leg?"

_Thomasina:_"Septimus, what is carnal embrace?"

_Thomasina:_ "It is plain there are some things a girl is allowed to understand, and this includes the whole of algebra. But other things like embracing a side of beef must be kept from her until she is old enough to have a carcass of her own." _Captain Brice:_"What is she talking about?" _Lady Croom:_"Meat." _Brice:_"Meat?"

_Thomasina: _"How is a ruined child different from a ruined castle?" _Septimus:_"On such questions I defer to Mr Noakes." _Noakes:_"A ruined castle is picturesque certainly." _Septimus:_"That is the main difference."

_Brice: "_As her tutor it is your duty to keep her in ignorance."

FEMININE FRACAS

"_I'M A WOMAN!"_

The cry rang out in the early morning stillness.

Kanna stood behind a tree, watching her work take effect.

For the first time in known history, she cracked a smile. (A slight tightening of the muscles in either cheek, actually.)

Then she vanished.

• •

Yesterday had been a very interesting one for Naraku. (_Yes, this is a 'flashback')_

After Sesshomaru had flown off in a tantrum, he had tried to take off the pants in order to throw them across the clearing with anger and frustration. It didn't help his mood that the pants got firmly stuck halfway down. And, like he'd told Sesshomaru, he wasn't wearing anything underneath them.

Kagura had been so exhausted from laughing that she nearly fell off her feather as Naraku commanded her to follow Sesshomaru for him.

"Shut the hell up!" shouted Naraku as Kagura collapsed, wheezing, over her feather. "And put something decent on!"

"When… I'm following…Sessho…maru! Not…on…your…bare…bottom!" she shouted as she shot away into the air.

"Damn these pants!" growled Naraku, falling over on the grass. "If these don't come off in two seconds I'll slice them up, and it's _such_ a bitch to find leather in the Sengoku Jidai!"

He returned very grumpily and very bow-leggedly to the castle an hour later, the poor shreds of pants in his hands.

"Must do something about this," he thought. "Time to go scouting."

Oddly enough, only a few hours after his sudden change of heart brought about by reading that first story, paper had started blowing up against the castle door out of nowhere. Kagura would send up strong winds to round them all up, put them in order, disappear for a few hours while hoots of laughter echoed through the castle, and then bring the stories to an already impatient Naraku.

Naraku, now that Kagura had gone, had a perfect opportunity to finally get his mitts on some stories first. Kagura had developed a nasty habit of 'accidentally' giving away plot points as he read.

It never occurred to him to wonder why stories written about him kept finding their way to his castle. He supposed it had to do with his supreme greatness.

Yesterday, however, there had slipped in with all the other stories a small story about a cursed spring and a boy who kept finding himself a girl whenever doused with hot water. The story, being about someone other than himself, caused Naraku to promptly toss it aside in favor of a story about Naraku raping Kagome. He nearly laughed himself sick.

"What a humorous tale!" he chuckled as he finished it. But he turned and stroked a stack of paper sitting in a place of honor next to Naraku the Great (as he'd started thinking of himself.) It was the original Naraku-Sesshomaru story, and so far he'd re-read it eighteen and a half times in the week or so he'd had it. "Yes, my precious," he crooned to it. "My preeeecious…"

Kagura shoved open the doors to the room. "Bad news," she snapped. "Sesshomaru's ran off to Inuyasha now."

"WHAT?" roared Naraku. It couldn't be! Sesshomaru had run into the loving arms of Inuyasha to get away from Naraku the Great? How dare he!

"My lover has betrayed me," he cried, conveniently forgetting Sesshomaru's aversion to people, love, sex and himself.

"_Our_ lover, you mean," corrected Kagura, smirking.

Naraku felt his blood begin to boil. How he HATED Inuyasha! The damned brat! Always stealing! "Cheat!" he shouted. "Cheat, cheat cheat!" He kicked a wall. His foot fell off. "_Damn _it!"

Kagura eyed the foot. "You haven't been taking care of your multi-demon body, eh, Naraku," she said.

"Shut up and fetch me some cologne," said Naraku as the foot started to emit the distinct smell of broken garbage disposals. He hobbled over to a wall and sank down against it.

First Kikyo. Inuyasha had had her then, too. The rejection! He couldn't bear it! Then the woman had escaped him _with_ the Shikon jewel to follow Inuyasha! And now Sesshomaru, his new, blossoming love, was running to Inuyasha's side as well! It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair!

"Damn you Inuyasha!" he shouted. "Well if you can steal my love, I'll steal yours! I'll make it so that your precious Kagome will never love you! Kikyo too. _Then _we'll be fair."

His gaze fell on the discarded story he'd tossed aside earlier…

"Heh heh heh heh," he started to snort. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Say hello to your new sister, Sesshomaru!"

---

(_Back to present time!)_

Inuyasha closed his haori over himself again, looking very pink and very tearful. He was having a hard time covering himself, because apparently his womanliness was very…erm…large.

Kagome took a deep breath and looked into his face again. "Uh…"

Inuyasha couldn't take it anymore. He/she jumped up into a tree and started sniffling.

"Inuyasha!" cried Kagome, running to the base of the tree. "I–"

"Don't say anything!" shouted Inuyasha, her voice much higher than normal. "Just go away! I– OW!"

"Inuyasha! Don't try to pull them off, you'll hurt yourself!" cried Kagome.

By this point, Sango and Miroku had run up.

"Oh my god! What's the matter?" said Sango anxiously.

There was dead silence from the tree.

"Nothing!" said Kagome frantically. "Nothing, nothing's–"

From the tree came another bloodcurdling scream. "OW!"

"Inuyasha! Leave them alone!" Kagome started to cry.

Sango took her by both shoulders. "Kagome-chan?"

"I only flinched back from him last night because I was thinking about the stupid fanfictions, I jumped back from him today because his face startled me, and now he thinks he's…I don't know what… he looked different but I couldn't see because the sun was in my eyes, he thinks I think he looked horrible…I thought he was talking about me flinching back from him, but he meant his transformation– I don't know–" babbled Kagome.

Sango, you might imagine, was having trouble following. "Transformation?"

Kagome took several deep breaths. "I thought he was upset that I'd flinched back from him last night. And then I got a turn from seeing his face this morning. He looks…different. But I was just _surprised_! It makes no difference to me, Inuyasha!" she said loudly and pleadingly.

"Kagome…" came the anguished call from the tree.

"Gotta go. Sorry. He'll tell you when he's ready to talk. Can we just have a moment to talk alone?" said Kagome both apologetically and hastily. She scrambled up into the tree, not caring when her shins started to bleed from the speed she was climbing.

Inuyasha was hunched near the top of the tree. Kagome swallowed her fears and climbed right up next to him. Her. Him? "Inuyasha…"

"WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ME?"

Inuyasha's face was somehow different. His cheekbones were higher, face more delicate, his lashes longer, lips more rounded, looks somehow softened, and with a pink tinge to his cheeks. He really was very beautiful. Kagome gulped back her tears.

"Inuyasha …are you sure that…"

"Yes! Do normal guys have these?" said Inuyash rudely, opening his haori again. Kagome winced, shutting her eyes.

"Kagome… I know what women look like!"

Kagome flushed even more.

Inuyasha said miserably, "I was looking at my reflection in the still water along the bank, and I…I noticed something different… and I thought my clothes felt tight, so I…"

"It's okay," said Kagome quietly. "We can figure this out." But she was thinking, _How does a person change genders overnight?_

From below the trees came Miroku's voice. "Inuyasha? Kagome?"

Sango's voice came up too. "Please. We're your friends. You can trust us."

Inuyasha looked desperately at Kagome. She nodded. "If you're okay," she said.

Inuyasha sniffled again, then helped Kagome down the tree. Unfortunately his new body parts got in the way occasionally, and he kept wincing, as he could not be as agile as he was used to.

"Inuyasha!" gasped Sango as Inuyasha slowly faced them. "Is that you?"

Kagome sighed. "Inuyasha, you can tell them if you want to."

Inuyasha turned a furious pink. "I'm a… a…a…"

"Bless you," said Miroku.

"—a woman," finished Inuyasha sullenly.

There was a long, heavy silence.

"Come again?" said Sango.

"There's one way to test that claim," said Miroku seriously. He shut his eyes, stuck out his hand in front of him. "I'm testing your aura…hmmm…" His hand drifted about in the air, then came to a halt on Inuyasha's buttocks.

Inuyasha leapt fifteen feet in the air with a most feminine squeal. Sango slapped Miroku for him. Kagome's eyes bugged. "Miroku!" she and Inuyasha both shouted.

Miroku looked shocked. "I honestly didn't think that would happen!" he said, his own voice an octave higher than usual out of surprise. "You really must be a woman!"

"Ha, ha. You're not a woman magnet!" Sango admonished. "You did that on purpose! Poor Inuyasha!"

"I didn't!" protested Miroku. "You know how I am about women! My hand's got a sixth sense of its own, I swear! The point is Inuyasha's a woman!"

Inuyasha looked tearful again. "Oh shut up! Shut up!" he shouted.

Kagome gave Inuyasha a tentative hug. "Sh, sh," she soothed. "You're still the same person."

"Damn right I am!" Inuyasha shouted. "God, Miroku, you can be such a bitch sometimes!"

Miroku shrugged. "At least you're a _pretty_ woman."

"Now's not the time, lord monk," Sango said primly. "Can't you see Inuyasha's having trouble?"

Inuyasha was now poking at his own chest. "But what are _these_ supposed to be!" he said miserably.

Miroku goggled. "Seriously? You've seen Kagome bathing too many times to say that. Say, can I give that a try?"

_Slap._

Miroku toppled over to reveal a steaming Sango. "Sorry, Inuyasha," she said to him. "Sorry, Kagome. He's…so…childish!" She dragged Miroku off to one side.

Inuyasha was looking disgusted. "Ewww! But…but how did these get there?"

Kagome was looking very embarrassed as she said, "Inuyasha, if you're really a woman, there's more than having…erm…a chest. You could still be a man who suddenly has…"

Inuyasha turned the brightest red yet seen without a heart attack shortly to follow. "Uhhh… I'm pretty sure."

"Okay, enough said," said Kagome, staring at the ground with wide eyes and her hands in front of her. "You can stop there."

Of course, 'how did these get there' was a very good question. But only Naraku, Kanna or Kagura could have answered that particular question.

Wait. That wasn't strictly true. In fact, Sesshomaru could probably have answered that as well.

Sesshomaru had had a very interesting time. He had fully intended to pay a visit to Inuyasha at sunset, calmed from a soothing bath in the hot water springs. He was looking forward to leaving Inuyasha with a memento of the meeting, preferably somewhere on the half-blood's body. But no matter– it had yet to happen.

And unless he could get himself free of a very sticky situation, it was not likely to happen soon.

--Finis—(of chapter 8)

:-D I'm having fun!

P.S. _Arcadia_ went super well. I think I said this already? We had a fun cast party/clean up last night. Siiiiiigh. Good times.


	10. More Meddling Makes Misfortune

Heya. I just want to first say how happy writing this fanfiction makes me. I can make up all the crap right out of my head, and it's SO FUN! **Thank you** all the people who reviewed, even if you don't like how the story's going! About the out-of-characterness: it's interesting that as the story progresses the characters get more and more deviant. Don't you think? ;-)

Anyways, perhaps the story shall soon have a real plot, poor thing. I _do _have a plot and possible serious drama in mind, but any suggestions are welcome concerning how you think the story is going, or what things I can do better on generally (ie: your story has way too much crude humor.) Thanks!

Oh and about Inuyasha becoming a woman: it had _nothing _to do with Ranma 1/2. Naraku just wants to make sure that Kikyo and Kagome won't love Inuyasha anymore. The odd thing is, same-sex love hasn't stopped _him._ Oh, well, space and time bend for Naraku the Great. (See 'Witchcraft and Wizardry', the fanfic me and my sister wrote combining IY with Harry Pothead. (Ok, it's Potter. Yes, we _know_.) ) Ahem! Now, onto chapter 10. Merry August, everyone. sobs

CHAPTER 10: More Meddling Makes Misfortune (ahaha!)

Once Myoga had stopped jumping about and saying 'Gamyon' in a melancholy way, he actually became quite helpful.

"Your condition is not unknown. Tales have reached my ears of such springs on the mainland where such a transformation is possible."

"I haven't jumped into any springs," pouted Inuyasha, admiring his nails. He'd walked in his sleep the night before and woke up coloring his claws pink with Kagome's crayons.

"Yes, Inuyasha-sama," said Myoga meekly. "But if you consider–"

Kagome interrupted.

"Myoga-jichan, how could it be possible to have– er, this– happen overnight?" she demanded. "As far as I know Inuyasha hasn't gone to a plastic surgeon or whatever in my own time."

"Kagome, _shut up_ about your plasmic sturgeons!" snapped Inuyasha. Then he looked embarrassed. "Sorry," he muttered.

Kagome looked reproachful but said nothing.

"But it's not possible for something like this to happen, right?" Sango said. "Like Kagome-chan said, you can't just switch like that."

Myoga shook his head gravely. "I don't know how it happened, but Inuyasha-sama must stay low until I can find out what happened."

"Stay low?" yelped Inuyasha. "What does _that_ mean?"

"As in, stop yelping in that annoying way," suggested Shippo helpfully. "Ow," he added as Inuyasha left him with the usual lump.

"In any case, Inuyasha-sama, we don't know what effects this strange transformation had on your power. Stay in one place, if you can. I must be getting old. It's gotten harder to find you. Why, your scent is so faint it's hardly there." Myoga peered worriedly into Inuyasha's face. Then, unable to resist, he delicately started sucking blood from Inuyasha's nose.

_Smack._ "You tasted better as a man," sighed Myoga as he fell to the ground.

Kagome, who had become wiser in the dirty-minded world since she started reading fanfiction, snickered. "Ew, _gross,"_ she said. No one bothered looking questioningly at her.

"I'm off!" said Myoga. "I'll be back, Inuyasha-sama! Gamyon!" He sprang away and was lost to sight.

There was a pause. Sango sighed. "Should we even bother to try and get our lives back on track?"

"You can get back on my lap," Miroku suggested. He smirked. He rather fancied himself the smooth dirty talked now.

Kagome rolled her eyes.

Sango, obligingly, got back onto Miroku's lap. "Still," she said matter-of-factly. "Where's the Shikon shards, Kagome-chan? Maybe we can get focused again if we look at those."

Kagome hadn't even thought the word "Shikon" except for reading fanfictions involving a school scene at 'Shikon High School' (there _had_ to be hundreds of them! Ok, well, she'd read ten of them). She blinked dumbly for a moment, then ran to her bag and dug around. Several stapled fanfictions were thrown from her bag.

"Ooh!" cried Inuyasha girlishly. "Fresh stuff!" He eagerly grabbed it and held it up to face.

"Turn the paper sideways, Inuyasha," Miroku mumbled through a mouthful of Sango's hair. Inuyasha glared. Changing his gender appeared to have no effect on his reading ability or his pride. "I can read, dumbass," he snapped. He flipped the page sullenly. "Other way," said Miroku, sounding very muffled now.

Kagome left them to bicker as she shoveled clothes, ramen, more fanfictions, toothbrush, _Seventeen magazine_, fanfiction, schoolbooks, and fanfiction out of the way.

"Hey! Kagome!" called Inuyasha. "Why've you been hiding these stories from us?"

At this Kagome finally looked up and saw the story that the trio was looking at. "Yipe!" she squealed, and grabbed it back, looking flushed. She dumped the backpack upside-down to finish the job faster.

A small bottle came tumbling out with a small tinkling sound.

"There it is!" She picked it up and gasped in horror. The bottle was empty.

"Damn!" swore Inuyasha instantly. "That's a _bitch_!"

Miroku looked serious for the first time in days. "Kagome-sama…the shards!"

Sango was on her feet again, to Miroku's disappointment. "They must've been stolen!"

"Oh hush up!" said Inuyasha crossly. "No one coulda stole them while I'm around!" He pouted.

"Naraku's probably got them," said Shippo instantly, feeling proud of his deduction.

Everyone felt a momentary 'oh yeah' feeling as they recalled the existence of their ultimate archnemesis Naraku.

"Nah," snarled Inuyasha, standing up suddenly and looking vicious and ready for a bitch-slap match. "There's someone else who would take them. He's coming right now."

--

Yesterday evening, near sunset 

Naraku, as it happened, was so excited to see what effect his nasty little deed would do to Inuyasha that he went himself to observe the transformation. He imagined what kind of things would go on when the beautiful little plan unfolded.

"Inuyasha! You bastard! Take an arrow right through that C-sized chest!" Kagome would snarl in jealously and disgust.

"_Hey, don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful!" Inuyasha would whine piteously. He'd beg for forgiveness._

_Kikyo would reject him. "You don't even take care of your cuticles properly. Don't expect to hang out with _me_, you worthless ho!" she'd snap. Inuyasha would be crushed. Friendless, alone, he'd condemn himself to an empty, shell life where he'd sit on the rocks by the sea, crying every day, and writing bad poetry._

"Ah," sighed Naraku. "What a good day this has been. And about to get better!" he smirked in glee. Sesshomaru's smell was wafting over him. "Lord Sesshy must be nearby!"

He dashed across the forest floor, only to stop abruptly. "No. Mustn't seem desperate," he instructed himself. "Ok. Walk. Sexily. Sexy walk. Go!" He practiced a sexy walk all the way up until he could feel the steam rising off the hot water springs.

Then he got the nervies.

"Eep! I must look a mess! I'm not wearing mascara! What if he doesn't want to see me now? What if he's angry with me? I couldn't bear it if he's angry with me! And doesn't this outfit make me look fat? I can't do this. I must go home and change this instant!" He got up and started to zoom away.

"I know you are there." The deep voice wafted out of the steam, sending a happy thrill through Naraku's spine.

"Sesshomaru?" he said timidly.

He became aware that instant that something– Sesshomaru– was flying at him with a ferocious speed, claws outstretched. His inner self took over. He dodged to one side, instantly forgetting his nervous breakdown and his romantic whims. He looked cold-eyed at Sesshomaru, who was standing and looking furious, anger burning off him in waves.

Then he realized that Sesshomaru was naked. The demon coldness left him again. "_Sesshy!" _he cried happily. "You're so–"

"SHUT UP!"

Sesshomaru's fist made contact with Naraku's jaw; he flew backwards until he hit a tree. Several large pinecones and a squirrel crashed on his head.

"Oww," moaned Naraku as the squirrel frantically tangled itself in his hair in an attempt to escape.

Sesshomaru advanced on the downed demon. Anger was in every pore of his body. There was nothing laughable about his expression. His demon blood wanted to rage, but his superior breeding gave him the power to control the urge to stick Naraku's head on a pike and sing "When father painted the parlor" while dancing an African tribal victory dance.

"You scum," he said in a (sexy, thought Naraku) low monotone. "You thought you could unnerve me into doing something rash. Well you thought wrong." He hoisted the lovestruck Naraku into the air by his collar and shook him.

"It was nothing a hot bath couldn't fix," growled Sesshomaru. "I'm myself, bastard, and you should prepare to die." He shook Naraku again, because Naraku's eyes were sinking downward faster than a man in the ocean with a Nissan Maxima strapped to his feet. "Stop that," he hissed. "Stop it!" He shook Naraku harder, and Naraku started to laugh.

"God– you have– no idea– how hot– this is" panted Naraku between shakes. Sesshomaru dropped the hanyou, disgusted, and shamed into grabbed a pine bough to cover himself with, an act that shamed him even more. Sesshomaru was growling so much that moles braced themselves for the earthquake they thought was soon to come.

"You will live no longer!" With a full intent to kill, Sesshomaru sprang upon the helplessly entranced prey. No living thing had yet escaped Sesshomaru's "You _will_ die or else you _die_" attack mode. Naraku certainly would not have, but for the creature that dropped directly in front of Naraku and grabbed the arm that rushed to take Naraku's life from him.

Sesshomaru ripped his arm from the creature's grasp, then stopped. He turned slowly. "You…"

His mind instantly told him whom this was, but he did not act on it. Instead, he glared. The intervener's hand had fallen off from the force of the attack.

"You…how _dare _you be here?" snarled Sesshomaru.

"Sesshomaru," Kikyo said pleasantly. "I see I come somewhat unexpectedly." She looked at her hand, fallen on the ground. "I'll have that back, if you don't mind."

Sesshomaru moved slightly aside and allowed her to pick up the severed hand. It seemed to be crumbling as he watched.

"An earthen body," the woman said, twisting her lips. She scooped some clay and leaves, working to reattach the hand. "You must have been intending to do some real damage to that bastard. After all, my body normally behaves as one of flesh. It's not often I see my hand taken off in one clean sweep."

Sesshomaru stared, mind working furiously, while acting as though he was above it all. "Explain why you have come, and let me finish off that half-breed bastard."

Kikyo bowed slightly, a smile touching her lips. "My apologies. As much of a hellspawn as he is, I am afraid he must go untouched for the time being."

Sesshomaru brushed past Kikyo, not caring to hear these words and intending to end Naraku's life right there. But the hanyou was gone.

Kikyo said from behind him, "Lord Sesshomaru… I come in a mission of upmost urgency and importance."

He turned to face her, features impassive and stature imperious. "However," she said, eyes never leaving his, "would you mind putting some clothes on first?"

Sesshomaru did not drop her gaze. Without moving at all, he said, "I would not mind. But _you_ had better mind your mouth, or lose it."

Feeling much better for having delivered a smooth threat, he went to put on some clothes. Kikyo kept up the pretense of not looking, but she just couldn't bear it anymore.

Now that's what I call a nice ass, she thought, and a grim smile graced her lips. Oh, what is the world coming to? 

--

"Nah," snarled Inuyasha, standing up suddenly and looking vicious and ready for a bitch-slap match. "There's someone else who coulda got them. He's coming right now."

As it so happened, Kagome could vaguely see a whirlwind in the far distance.

"Oh, no… Koga!" Kagome said. Inuyasha nodded grimly. "I'll show him who he's…" Inuyasha's voice faded away, mouth working soundlessly as a thought abruptly struck him.

Inuyasha was suddenly on his knees in front of Kagome. "Don't let him see me like this!" he begged. He was so pathetic and also good-looking that they all instantly were soothing him, patting him on the head. "Don't worry, beautiful lady," said Miroku. "Hey, hey, I was joking. At least, half joking," he said in response to Sango's warning glare.

"We can hide him!" Kagome said, inspired. "He doesn't look like Inuyasha, he looks like a beautiful lady. Sorry, Inuyasha," she added. "Sango, can we borrow your outfit for a bit? And I've got some hairspray to cover Inuyasha's scent."

"I hafta wear woman clothes?" complained Inuyasha. "I hope the color's right for me. I look peaky in green."

--

Koga was feeling well, as usual. The speed stored in his legs sent him careening across the land. But today, he had a most _un_usual mission.

As he ran he gripped a small stack of papers tightly. Surely Kagome could explain the strange written type that had wound up in his possession, bearing her name? Although Koga could only barely understand the hiragana, her name kept popping up all over the place. Sadly, Inuyasha's did too. And his own name. That one sprang right out at him.

"Ko. Ga!" he'd said proudly to Ginta. "That's me!"

It didn't really occur to him how strange it was for the hiragana to be typed, and mention him and Kagome and Inuyasha; but he figured, _Heck, Kagome has lotsa strange things. Maybe this is hers._ Then he perked up. _Maybe she lost this, and she'll reward me with a kiss when I return it to her._ "C'mon, guys!" he yelled as he sprang away. "We gotta find Kagome!"

Her scent was getting stronger with each speedy step. He could smell those friends of hers, and the two little demons. But where was Inuyasha's scent?

"_YES!_" he crowed. The dumb dog-turd was gone! He'd have Kagome's attention to himself for once! He picked up his speed, but not before doing a little celebratory double-kick-twist-handstand-ariel-spin in midair.

"Koooogaaa!" wailed his friends, choking on his dust.

He could see the small figures sitting by a riverside in the distance. "Kaaaagooomeee!" he yelled, waving. He skidded to a halt next to her.

"Kagome," he said buoyantly, and with a cool wave. "How are you?" He grasped her hands in his, his favorite thing to do.

"Uh, _hi_, Koga!" said Kagome, her voice higher than normal. "Nice to see you!"

There was a roughly subdued outburst of growls and muttering from behind the tree, where Miroku was firmly holding someone back.

"Where's dog-turd?" asked Koga, looking around casually.

"Oh! Um, he went to see…Totosai," invented Kagome. "You know, the one who made his sword."

"Mm." Koga was looking very deeply into her eyes now.

"Heh…" Koga was standing very, very close now. Kagome tried to work her hands free. Luckily, at that moment, outraged and muffled swearing burst out from behind the tree.

"Who _is_ that?" grumbled Koga. He released Kagome, who massaged feeling into her hands while anxiously saying, "Koga, it's no one. Only…only Miroku's half-sister," she invented again, seeing it was too late.

Koga pulled a furious Inuyasha out from behind the tree by one arm. "Eh?"

_Slap!_ Inuyasha's hand left a big red print on Koga's face. Koga's eyes were round with shock. "Hey. Hey!" he said, getting mad. "Wench! What's the big…" He froze suddenly.

Koga ran back to Kagome's side, getting between her and Inuyasha. "Kagome, get back," he said quickly. "Something's wrong with that thing."

Inuyasha went from angry to full boil.

"You wimpy– I mean, you ugly toadstool!" he cried, trying to find new insults to protect his identity.

Koga cut him off. "That creature doesn't have the scent of a human," he said guardedly.

"That's because it's the _half_-sister," Kagome said patiently. "They had the same dad, but her mom was dem–"

"It's not a scent of half-blood, either. I get more than enough of that with that boring puppy. I mean there's no scent. No aura."

Inuyasha looked stricken, and Miroku and Sango and Shippo were dumbstruck. Kagome laughed tensely. "What do you mean?"

Inuyasha said in a panic, "I'm me! I'm really me! I'm Inuy–"

Miroku swiftly said, "Inuchibi, don't worry, little sister. It's probably nothing serious. I…er, recently did a temporary exorcism, Koga. So it's normal to have the aura go away for a few days."

"You exorcised your sister?"

"Half sister. And yes, it helps her get rid of…acne."

Koga, relaxing, peered into the face of the worried Inuyasha. "She looks pretty ok to me. Is your name really Inuchibi?"

"What's it to you?" snapped Inuyasha.

Koga stood a moment, then laughed. "I like your spunk. Here. I'll rub wolf scent on you, and then you can have a temporary scent."

Inuyasha looked revolted, but before he could do or say anything, Koga started rubbing one hip on Inuyasha. The poor hanyou tried to spring away, but cramped in the unfamiliar kimono of Sango's, fell over.

"Strange girl," mused Koga as Inuyasha stood up, screeching. "Hanyous are all strange. All the ones I've met, anyway."

"Well, Kagome," he continued, looking slyly proud of himself, "I found something that may belong to you."

He unscrunched the papers as best he could and presented them to her as one might present a gift certificate to a Ferrari. "For you. Something that might catch your interest."

Kagome smiled weakly and took the papers. One glance had her with the pages up to her nose.

_Score,_ thought Koga.

- - -

End of chapter 10.

Well, well! What have we here!…

Anyway. Next chapter: Occult Occurences. Or possibly Gab-fest Goings-on. Or Absurdly Atypical. Hm.

Ah well. Hope you all are enjoying August. I am feeling the usual trepidation a to-be senior usually feels. The college havoc is only just beginning.

OH by the way! Who wants to hear a little theory of mine about college!

--A little essay about applying to college--

_Applying to colleges is very much like death._

Considering that some are nearly dead from stress at the end of the process, this comparison is easy to make. However, there are aspects that, in the general sense, are very similar to the symptoms of death.

First there is purgatory. Deans of admission grade your life, see if your earthy works measure up to standard, and then either open the gates or cast you down.

Applications are a hell unto themselves.

The process is uncomfortable, stressful, and life-changing– indeed, quite like how I imagine dying.

You leave the world you know for a place you know little about in both cases.

You can't get a feel for college until you've been there. Obviously, that goes for death too.

Thank god that _unlike_ with death, you can leave the realms of the student body, but like with death you won't be the same afterwards.

All the same: college is like conscription to death. Congratulations, seniors, and say hi to the devils– er, deans for me. And all you juniors soon to be seniors: hey, it's dark in he– wait, what's that light?

---the end---

It's kinda dark, I know. What really bugs me is how your life is graded by some people who know nothing about you, and are going to decide if your entire life is worthy of their college. fumes Just like with that movie! What was it called, where they reviewed his life? Oh well. That's how it is. Brr.


	11. Atypical Abstractions

Hooray! Passed the 10-chapter mark and the 100-review mark! Double-digit chapters and triple digit review numbers are good things!

To reviewers (because I can't stand not being able to say something back!)– Here is a present for you for being so kind and taking the time to review.

These were the reviewers for Ch9 and 10: Kineko the Fox, Zana Moon, Forest Sentry Koneji, MikaSono, sesshy (it's a nickname) (A/N: _Really!)_, Morgan, Trigger Happy Bibliophile, inuzrule, soapfiction, wicked angel, L1Ldumie TK, Lady Storm, AFIrockergurl, Shonuff64, Kira the Mizu R … Sorry if I forgot anyone…

**Shippo**: (_gangsta rappin'_) I wish I had a cooler name,

A name that really rocks.

Like _Zana Moon_ or _Morgan_, or

_Kineko the Fox_. (Pronounce it KI-ne-ko or else it don't work!)

I'm not a _Bibl'ophile_,

For I can barely read;

I ain't _Trigger Happy_

But "annoy 'em" is my creed!

_Forest Sentries_ hate me

Cuz I trick 'em with my fire;

_Koneji_ likes me well enough–

But my lovin' ain't for hire!

I may be small in stature,

And so my love's pro bono– (Pro bono means it's free!)

Them foxy ladies like me,

You can ask that _MikaSono_!

_L1Ldumie TK_ (pronounce EL one EL du MI tee KAY)

Is pretty strong, you see,

But when it comes to demons

I'm the bestest there can be!

I rock on like _rockergirl _,

I know I have good diction.

I wish though I was smarter

Like collegian _soapfiction_.

I wish that I made yummy cake

Like _Lady Storm_ knows how,

But I'm really friggin' tiny, so

How can I milk the cow?

Kagome is an _angel;_

Inuyasha is so _wicked_.

If I were bigger– _Sho' _e_nuff, _(Sho'nuff sure enough. Huck Finn is shaking his head)

I'd see his ass and kick it!

Writing's fun and rappin's better,

Kira Mizu's what I drink.(Mizuwater in Japanese) 

Product placement over with,

I'm pretty sweet, you think.

Well this poem's long enough,

It's all fleshed-out and messy,

So I'm off because I see

Naraku's kissin' _Sesshy_!

(It's a nickname.)

On to chapter 11! Thank you Academy!

Important Note: By the way, despite my happiness at the reviews and the _wonderful_ feeling of waking up when you don't have work today and will be seeing my cousins and my sister at Lake Arrowhead soon, this chapter marks a turn for more serious matters. Humor takes a vacation. The rating will not go up but understand that maturish content will be in the chapters to come.

…Which is funny because _I_ am not mature. A girl taking Japanese class with me was stunned to hear what age I am last night. She literally couldn't believe that I was going to be a senior… Ah, well, Shippo and I must share some qualities. Or something. Oh, and she had FMA music in her iPod. Happy days!

CHAPTER 11: Atypical Abstractions

Kagome lowered the fanfiction to look at Koga. "But…how did you get this?"

Koga shrugged. "Well, it just found it lying outside my pack's cave. Thought it was yours. Hey, Chibs, you want to read it?" he offered with a suave grin in Inuyasha's direction.

'Inuchibi' was almost foaming at the mouth. "Did you just call me Chibs?"

Koga laughed. "Here, take this. _I_ read it."

Kagome's mouth was dry. "You did?"

Koga smiled at her, raising an eyebrow. "Of course I did," he said, lying through his teeth and hoping she wouldn't question him. "Hey Inuchibi, read it. It's funny," he said, hoping it was.

Kagome raised her eyebrows. The story was one about her being in a rehab center for cutting herself. (She didn't want to read any farther.) "Here, Koga-kun," she said. "You can keep it. It's not mine."

Though secretly she was worried. Who and what was spreading fanfictions she'd never seen before around the Sengoku Jidai?

--

Kikyo looked up at Sesshomaru from where they were sitting together on a rock overlooking a waterfall. "So you see, Lord Sesshomaru, the girl had made trouble for us once again." She sighed. "But I won't blame her too much."

"Read some of those tall tales yourself?" asked Sesshomaru dryly, and trying not to wonder what she read.

Kikyo half-smiled. "Oh, yes. I'm just much better at concealing my reaction than Naraku is. I beg your pardon my lord," she added, seeing that the mere thought sent hairs standing up on Sesshomaru's head. "Yes, I have found the stories, blowing about of their own accord. Which is partly why I came to you.

"I found myself having thoughts impossible for this age. After I read a few that I had found lying in the dust of the road, not only was I shocked that our personal selves were public to a world hundreds of years beyond ours, but I found myself thinking about things impossible. Like George Bush, elections, and 'off its rocker.' I have no idea what Bush is, nor what an election is, nor what the strange phrase means– yet it all rolled off my tongue as if I did."

There was a silence. Then Sesshomaru said, very bravely considering that it was a horrific memory for him, "It indeed explains the strange clothing that bastard Naraku wore a few suns ago. Some kind of– of leather." The odd expression on his face caused Kikyo to laugh slightly.

"Well, there you go, Lord Sesshomaru. 'Leather', while sexy, fun to try on, and once again sexy, is completely out of our time period."

"I see," said Sesshomaru gravely, trying to block out the frightening images.

Kikyo sobered, looking out into the beautiful landscape. "This is why I must do something about that girl."

Sesshomaru did not look at her, but instead gazed out as she was doing. "Kill her?"

Kikyo sighed. "I'm not sure."

– – –

When Koga finally left, after another long and disconcerting stare at Inuyasha, Kagome threw the fanfic into the river. To her surprise, the pages did not even get waterlogged. They started to speed out of sight, floating as a flat boat might.

Inuyasha tried to leap into the river and grab them, but fell in a heap. "I _hate_ these woman clothes!" he snarled. "Even if they _are_ flattering on me." He made as if to rip off the clothes, but then found himself stroking the fabric. "This is really good quality, Sango," he said. "Where did you find this?"

"I made it," she said to him.

"You _did_? Wow, that's so cool!" squealed Inuyasha, fingering the fabric. "That's an amazing talent. I wish I could sew like that." He turned around to find Miroku sniggering. "That's it!" he shouted, suddenly enraged. "You mean bitch, Miroku! I'll never speak to you again!" He stormed off.

Sango said very meaningfully, "Er, Kagome…have you noticed Inuyasha being really moody lately?"

"Well, not much more than usual."

"Well think about it," Sango said even more meaningfully. "He's a woman, now…His physical self corresponds with the moon in another way, now…"

Understanding flooded Kagome. "Oh shit!" she said, hand over her mouth.

Miroku butted in. "What? What?"

Sango pushed him away. "Nothing, you lech." But understanding had suddenly dawned in Miroku's eyes.

Kagome snapped, "Don't you tease him about it!"

Miroku held up his hands. "I won't! But, Lady Kagome…should you be the one to explain when–"

A piercing SHRIEK interrupted them all.

"I'm dying!" came the scream from behind them. Inuyasha came staggering out of some bushes with the kimono all tangled around him, unfortunately revealing quite as much as Miroku would hope to see.

"Kagome-chan, go!" said Sango hurriedly, grabbing Miroku's arm and yanking him behind her.

Kagome sighed. This was not going to be pleasant, she thought sadly as she sprinted toward the figure still screaming and rolling on the ground.

---

Naraku was still smarting where Sesshomaru had punched him. This was distinctly odd. "Hey," he said to himself, "how come it hurts? Me, who've had my arm blown off by two different women and all kinds of other crazy things?"

He sighed, looking around his workroom. Once, this room had been filled with pots oozing an evil smell, with bits of barrier-maker spread about and leftover pieces of failed monsters lay on the floor. Now, it was fairly clean. Kanna, oddly enough, had developed a cleanness fetish.

Of course, that hadn't stopped her powers. Naraku had done precisely one thing in this workroom since finding out his great love for Sesshomaru: craft Inuyasha's womanhood by placing the image, 'woman', in Kanna's mirror.

If he'd had a choice, he would have made Inuyasha a scraggly old witch. But Kanna had showed him in her mirror the effects of the transformation, and though Naraku howled with laughter, he was again stunned that Inuyasha made for a strikingly beautiful woman.

"Hot _damn,_" he said at the mere memory, chuckling. But these were only words. Naraku knew where his heart truly lay.

"Oh, the _rejection_," he pouted. He pounded his pillow. "Kagura!"

Kagura opened the screen door. "Done with the tantrum already?"

Naraku thought a moment. "It's on hold. But I have another plan. If I'm not sexually appealing to Sesshomaru, even though I'm obviously the most kick-ass demon he'll ever meet–"

"I refuse to jump Sesshomaru and bring him to you. You go ahead and risk your own neck."

Naraku whined, "But Kaaaguraaa! Can't we just…do _something_? We have a contest here, remember?" he said, suddenly remembering. "Why don't we have a race?"

"Race to Sesshomaru's heart?" Kagura laughed. "I'm still in the contest, just so you know—but you go ahead and try kidnapping him. I can see a big-ass bruise where he coldclocked you once already."

Naraku ground his teeth. "So I'm healing slower."

Kagura's eyes widened. "You must be turning human tonight. Don't go chasing after Sesshomaru, I don't want to have to pick up the bloody pieces of you when he's done."

Naraku jumped up. "You have no faith in me!" he shouted.

"Damn right. Who's failed to kill Inuyasha several hundred times now?" Kagura flounced out the door.

Naraku clenched his fists. Inuyasha, like in the past, was once again a huge problem.

"I'll do something about him this instant!" he roared. Only to hear Kagura's laughter float back at him: "_Goodluck, hanyou…"_

Naraku bared his teeth. Damn that uppity witch! But it was true. He slumped down and grabbed up a consoling fanfiction. He couldn't fight Inuyasha now, even when Inuyasha was a frickin' beautiful woman and probably dumb and weak and wimpy. A/N: _hmph. Naraku, you chauvanist!_

He picked up the fanfiction that had made him laugh so much the other day. And then, as before, he got a brilliant and evil idea. _This is where turning Inuyasha into a woman will come so in handy. A beautiful woman._ Naraku was proud of his complicated Evil Plot skills, and this was more good work. Like the time he sent Kohaku back to Sango so he could kill Kagome. He started laughing. "Good times," he smiled through a tear.

- - -

When Kagome returned to her time for more supplies– fanfiction, ramen, womanly items, nailpolish (a certain craving of Inuyasha's), and more clothes for him to wear– she found that something stunning and utterly heart-stopping was waiting for her.

She opened the screen door of her home. "Tadaima! I'm home!" she called.

Her mother's voice called back tremulously, "Okaeri nasai, darling. Come here a moment."

Kagome heaved the yellow backpack off her back and onto the floor, shocked that her mother would sound so near to tears.

She went into the living room.

There was a tall, broad-shouldered man sitting across the table from Higurashi-san. When he saw Kagome, he stood up and smiled. "Kagome. It's been so long!…I, er, am your father." He gave her an apologetic grin. "My, how you've grown."

Kagome was stunned. Her heart stopped beating. "But…my father is dead," she whispered. "He died when I was two months old."

"He didn't," said her mother. Kagome took this in with great difficulty.

"Your mother told you that because she didn't want to hurt you," grinned the man. Kagome suddenly found this grin very unsettling. He moved closer to her and placed a hand protectively on her lower back. "What actually happened is, your mother and I split up. She just wanted­–"

–"Nibuhiro, please," said Mrs. Higurashi–

"–she wanted you and your brother not to know about your own father."

"Because you left the family, Nibuhiro!" said Higurashi-san.

"Well, I'm back. I couldn't leave you and never know what had happened to you," said the man tenderly.

Kagome felt herself stiffen, and pushed out of the man's embrace. "You come back after _fifteen_ _years_ because you wanted to see how we were?"

The man looked pleadingly at her. "Kagome. My daughter. I'm home to take care of you now. Don't you want that?"

Kagome was thunderstruck–

–It couldn't be–

–Would she faint? Or just die?

Those words this live human being had spoken rang a bell. She'd read a fanfiction once, where her dad…_a_ dad… an abusive, drinking dad…came home. And he'd said that. At least, while still sober. She hadn't meant to read a fanfiction like that. It was too much a sensitive spot for her. Who could bear reading about themselves being beaten and… and… well, by their father? Kagome had never known her father…still, it was too close to home to read that…and now it had come to life?

She backed away fearfully. "Kagome," her mother said. "It's all right. We'll be all right."

"No!" shouted Kagome. Crying, she raced back to the well. "No!"

She burst through into the feudal era, dry-sobbing. Inuyasha sprang in to help her up right away. Then he froze. She was sobbing, and she had the scent of a man on her…

Being a woman, he semi-had an understanding feeling, albeit mixed with jealousy and rage.

"Kagome! Are you all right?" he asked, putting an arm over her shoulders and forcing the rage to wait for later. Kagome shook her head. Then a thought occurred to her.

How dare she be so selfish! Her mother was at home with a man conjured up by the words of some dickhead writer who didn't know anything! Her mother, having to deal with this alone…Sota, who would come home from school and find–

"Goodbye Inuyasha!" she shouted, and throwing herself back into the well. "I've got to do something. Don't you _dare_ follow me!" If this man found out about Inuyasha…things could get really dangerous…

"Kagome– No!" But she was already gone. Inuyasha stared mournfully at the well. "She doesn't like me that way anymore," he said to himself. "Now that I'm…" He punched one of the tell-tale woman signs in frustration. "OW! Now that I'm a woman…"

But he stared down at the well. What could have made Kagome return and then leave again like that?

- - -

Kikyo was getting up now, smoothly and gracefully. Sesshomaru, once more his tranquil self, gazed neutrally at her, yet trying at the same time to figure this woman out.

He already realized that his heart had found a subtle respect for this woman, but what was she to him? To Naraku (shudder.)? To Inuyasha? To the convoluted events of the last weeks?

She saw his calculating gaze and faced him. "Lord Sesshomaru, I shall be returning soon," she said. "I hope to have you support in this?"

He could see that she sensed the imbalance in the world, perhaps more than even he could. Here was a truly strong– though otherworldly– miko, wise in her own humanlike way and yet more.

"Yes," he said simply, and turned around to walk away.

"Lord Sesshomaru."

He stopped.

"You do have a young ward with you, do you not?" said the woman.

He paused, then nodded without facing her.

"Say hello to her for me, please." Then she vanished into the night.

Sesshomaru stood still for a second, getting his thoughts reorganized. Two small figures popped their heads out of the bush near his feet.

"Sayonara, Kikyo-sama!" called the little girl, waving.

"Sesshomaru-sama! Why were you talking with that mortal woman?" squeaked Jaken.

Sesshomaru turned. "That was no mortal woman."

Rin smiled. "She was very nice. Wasn't she, Sesshomaru-sama?"

He said nothing, but looked down on the little girl.

Most uncharacteristically, he picked her up, holding her at arm's length to look into her face.

She beamed broadly at him, wanting to squirm with happiness but restraining so that he wouldn't drop her.

Suddenly she was being held close to him, and just for a second she breathed in his special aroma, his hair silky and soft against her face, his warmth lending to hers. Was Sesshomaru-sama _hugging_ her? No, couldn't be. Then just as suddenly, the ground was hard beneath her feet, the leaves rustling with her weight.

She looked up at Sesshomaru-sama's proud face. He was no longer looking at her, but, jaw set and eyes distant, he was looking out into the dark forest, seeing nothing.

"Let's go," he said, and started walking.

Rin ran to find Aun, who was happily munching on rabbit bones not far away, and she and a flabbergasted and openmouthed Jaken followed their great leader into the mists of night.

---

Inuyasha was furious. Where was Kagome? Why didn't she return?

He paced around the well. At last he didn't care for her rebuke and decided, "What the hell, I'll follow her!" He started to run at the well, but slipped on something.

"What now?" he shouted angrily. Then he stopped. It was more stapled paper, like those fanfiction things Kagome brought. "What's it doing here?" he said aloud.

A wind sprang up, tossing leaves into Inuyasha's face. "Keh!" he spat. "I'll go with Kagome, you can't stop me!"

Then something bigger than leaves whacked him in the face. "Again!" he snarled, peeling a wet fanfiction off his face. Then something occurred to him. He slowly turned around, to face where the wind was coming from. There, above the tall trees, was the even taller and more majestic Goshinboku, the god tree where he'd been pinned for fifty years. The tree whose roots extended from one time to another…

He sucked in his breath. Waving like odd fruits from the branches of the Goshinboku were white, fluttering things…

He sat torn between investigating and following Kagome, when a new smell struck him.

"Kikyo!" he said in surprise.

Now he really couldn't decide what to do. Follow Kikyo or Kagome? He gritted his teeth. It was just like those fanfiction stories, always pitting Kikyo and Kagome against each other…

"Damn it to hell!" he snarled at no one in particular. He leaped into the well. _Something's wrong in Kagome's time, and sure as hell I won't sit back and let it happen…_

Kikyo walked slowly up to the Goshinboku. The grand tree loomed over her. The memories welled in her…this, the place where she and Inuyasha first met…the place where they both lost their lives. The place where Inuyasha and the girl Kagome had met…the tree whose knowledge spanned hundreds of years. The tree extending beyond time.

"You," she said to it, "have been up to something new."

Its power was great, its wisdom immense, and its influence on the world significant; the same tree had the fanfiction stories growing right out of it.

"You've been reading them too," she said to the tree. It rustled with good humor. Kikyo half-smiled. "Which ones?"

A few fanfictions fluttered down off the tree's branches as apples do when ripe. She could see rolled-up papers emerging like flower buds from the tree, crinkled and small. She picked up the ones that had fallen, and glanced at them. "You naughty thing. You've been spreading _this_ in the Sengoku Jidai? What, bored?"

The tree shook with the wind, or maybe with laughter. Kikyo laid a hand on the bark. It was humming with power. "I accuse you of having fun," she said playfully. Then she turned serious. "But do you know the consequences?"

The tree stopped shaking, but continued to hum under her hand, even more so than before.

It wasn't like the tree to do things rashly. Kikyo glared at it. "All right, what is it you're hiding?"

The tree hummed louder than ever.

Kikyo sighed. "We all have our secrets." She looked at the branches laden with ripening fanfiction all over the branches above her head. "But some are meant never to be divulged." With a rueful glare at the Goshinboku, she left. The tree watched her go, its age-old sense smiling at the miko's back.

It settled back onto its roots. Time for some good reading.

---end---

_A small haiku by me._

Fan-fiction is an

Imagination outlet.

Use it well: create!


	12. Mangled Motivations

Hello, people. And animals. And robots. And other life forms. (Ya don't wanna neglect possible audience members.) It's been a while. I went to New Yawk and Massawchusetts. (Yes. I spelled them wrong on _purpose_.) It was fun and I got to tour MAD magazine's HQ! Fafafa!

To those of you offended by your reference in the rap poem: gomenasai. I had fun with it though.

To those of you confused by the last chapter: I was very tempted to erase the whole 'dad' thing, but decided not to. Now it's here to stay, and though I could simply replace the chapter, I won't. As Kagome is finding out, even innocent pastimes have repercussions. I can't simply undo the past, can I? No. Besides, the event turns out to be important anyway.

Hope everyone's faring well. Registration today for the upcoming school year was a DISASTER. Keh.

P.s. Don't forget what I said. Like a rhapsody, this fic should be a mix of humor and drama and romance. (Don't ask about the whole rhapsody thing. Or actually, since you asked, it's a musical piece made of different moods, like a collage. I hope that's a good definition!) Now we hit the more dramatic type of stuff.

---

Chapter Twelve: Mangled Motivations

Kagome hoisted herself out of the well into her own time, emotions battling inside her. She would love nothing so much as to just hide in the Sengoku Jidai and think things over, but there was no time for that.

This man was not her father. She knew he'd died when she was a baby. There was no way her mother could have lied to her about it– that wasn't her style. She'd even gone to visit his grave, once every year on the date he'd died.

This was so, _so_ very creepy. He was dead. And now he was back?

Luckily, Mrs. Higurashi had noticed Kagome's increased need for computers, and bought a desktop Apple with Ethernet connection. She'd even allowed it to be in Kagome's room, though it meant Sota had a surefire excuse for barging in. And now it would come in handy, explaining the devastating events of the past half-hour.

She _had_ to check the story on her computer, the one where she'd caught a glimpse of the story ahead and had to stop reading it because of its sensitive nature. The one that talked about her father coming home– her mother having lied about his death– and then…

She opened the door to the house cautiously. Loud voices were coming from the living room. Was her mother crying? Kagome felt tears well up in her own eyes, but snuck past the living-room door and up to her room. She had to know what she was getting into.

Here was the fanfiction…she sped-read as best she could, eyes skimming. No sooner had she reached page four than she began to wince and then to tear up. Sniffling and wiping at her eyes, she put the fanfiction in a drawer, slowly and carefully, trying to stop trembling.

There was no doubt about. The man in her living room– the man who her mother recognized as her father, the man talking so loudly, the man whose touch she still remembered on her back– he wasn't real.

He was something conjured from someone else's mind, and stuck into her world.

Fanfiction didn't seem so harmless anymore.

She went slowly downstairs, praying for strength. _I will face this,_ she told herself._ My mom needs me._ She imagined her backbone being made of Tetsusaiga. She pretended Inuyasha was there with her, to protect her. She reached the hallway, and drew a deep breath.

And screamed as someone spoke from behind her.

"Kagome!" shouted Inuyasha in her ear.

"AIEEE!" screamed Kagome.

Mrs Higurashi and the old man came rushing out of the room. They froze dead at the sight of Inuyasha– especially at the new and 'improved' Inuyasha form.

"Inuyasha?" said Higurashi-san slowly, tearfully.

"Inuyasha!" screamed Kagome, horrified. Inuyasha had to grab at his sensitive ears.

"What's the matter?" '_That man'_ came out of the living room, concern written exaggeratedly on his face.

"Oh god, Inuyasha," sobbed Kagome into Inuyasha's haori front, scrunching it in her hands (made considerably difficult by a pair of reasons.) "Why did you come!"

Inuyasha winced and shifted uncomfortably under Kagome's touch. Then he stiffened. She was crying!

He bared his teeth at the strange man, the one who'd undoubtedly caused the pain. "You! Who the hell are you!"

"Me? I'm her father. Who are _you?_ Keiko, should I call the police?"

Mrs. Higurashi shook her head, biting her lip.

The father was staring at Inuyasha. "Are those real ears?" he said amazedly.

Kagome was brought to her senses. How dare she be weak when Inuyasha was in danger. "Get out of here!" she yelled, shoving him out of the door. Inuyasha stubbornly dug his feet in. "I wanna bitch-slap that dike!" he said, snapping his fingers. "He's got a strange aura around him, Kagome! He's dangerous! Let me at him!"

"You– can't! Just go!" Kagome shoved him out the door and locked it. He started pounding on the windows, but she ignored that. "That's my friend from high school," she said to _that man,_ swallowing her disgust. "He– I mean, she– likes to dress up. She's showing me the Halloween costume she'd been planning." She went over to her mother and gave her a strong hug.

Her mother was trembling. Was this man, supposedly her father, _that_ frightening? Higurashi-san bent into Kagome's hair and whispered, "Kagome, I'm afraid that…"

"Mama," said Kagome, frightened by her mother's fear.

Had the dad in the fanfiction seen Inuyasha, in the story? How much control did that fanfiction have over this man, anyway? Would he really start to drink…and do other things…? Had he been so awful to her mother? She felt herself beginning to get angry.

"Kagome," said the man suddenly, "you don't believe I'm your father."

The pounding at the door stopped, but Kagome visualized the Tetsusaiga and Inuyasha at her back. "That's right," she said to him. "I don't. I don't even know what you're doing here."

Which was true.

There was a sound of shattering glass from upstairs, and then pounding feet.

"Inuyasha!" groaned Kagome.

The man was staring at her with an odd expression on his face, half regret and half something she couldn't recognize. Anger?

She turned and ran upstairs, crashing headfirst into a stair-barreling Inuyasha. "Ha-HA!" he shouted with glee that he'd found a way in.

Kagome didn't know how much more of this she could take.

Inuyasha was swinging through the air, a grim triumph on his face, raising his sword about his head, ready to cleave the man in half, part his head from his body: "HYAAA!"

"No!" shouted Kagome. In desperation she dashed in front of Inuyasha, and shoved the stranger out of the way of the blade, focusing all her attention in her hands, her strength, her fear.

No sooner had she touched him she felt a great jolt. She was pouring miko power out of her hands and into him. He stared in open fear at the purple light gleaming at his chest and her fingertips.

The room spun, jolted– up, down, swirled around…Kagome was sucked into blackness as though down a drain, and into unconsciousness.

• • •

Kikyo was walking toward the river when a great pain pulled at her chest. Gasping, she stumbled forward, clutching at her heart. The world around her seemed to be buzzing. She could feel it on her skin, in her artificial bones.

When her vision cleared, she was kneeling on the grass, blinking. The buzz and the pain was gone. Everything was normal. Oddly normal.

Except that when she looked up, Naraku was bending down to peer into her face. "Hi there, Kikkles," he said cheerfully. "Whatcha doing down there? I need you."

Kikyo jumped to her feet, arrow nocked before Naraku could draw breath. "Easy there, Kikyo," he said, with a nasty grin. "You could put someone's eye out with that."

She glared. "What do you want?"

"Where's Inuyasha?"

Kikyo stared. "How dare you even think to ask me!"

"Is he here?"

"No, he's not, thickwit!"

"In that case he won't mind you coming with me!" He tried to grab her.

"Quit it!" She whacked him with her bow. "Just you try and touch me! You'll fizzle away to nothing, remember? I've still got your grave dirt, here in my pocket."

"Nice to know you're thinking of me. But unfortunately for you, that won't work. Now don't give me any trouble, I'm giving up my housecleaning just for you!"

"_Housecleaning?_"

Naraku rolled his eyes. Normally, when he lost his demon powers as he did once a month, he'd rearrange his body, but today he had so many errands, how was there time? He'd have to wait til next month to rearrange his body into a much hotter, built shape.

"Just come on. I'm a busy man, you know. Time is money."

"You're a demon. You don't use money."

"Shut up!" And he grabbed her. In shock she realized he wasn't being blasted away by the grave dirt's protection.

"You're not a demon right now, hanyou!" she scorned him. "You think my arrows won't hurt now?"

But she was bluffing. She had to wait for Naraku to gather the Shikon no Tama before she purified him and it together. She couldn't kill him, even in this vulnerable state.

Speaking of the Shikon jewel…

Maybe, if she went with him, she could get some spying done. What _had_ Naraku been up to, these days?

Tempted to punch him, but resisting, she allowed herself to be carried away– but while thinking sadly, _Inuyasha, where _are_ you? I once promised you no man but you would touch a hair of my head. I've broken my promise._ Though perhaps the question was academic. After all, now, Inuyasha was a woman.

Sesshomaru watched Naraku carry the limp form of Kikyo away into the sky in a cloud of saimyosho. _What is that woman thinking?_

He was tempted to go after them. After all, how daring of Naraku to emerge from his hideaway as a puny human! He, Sesshomaru, could have cut him down in a second. But there were strange things happening in this world, otherwise pretty much uneventful except for the occasional dramatic demon battle showdown or war. He took his hand off his sword.

And walked away.

Sesshomaru was not one to be left out of the loop, and so he went to find something he believed could clue him in: the strange fanfiction. _Fresh off the tree._

_-end-_


	13. Parallel Paradigm

Wow, it's been a whole two months since I updated. Long time no see. This chapter is dedicated to soapfiction, who is cooool. Arigato soapy! .

Anyways, hi, isashiburi, hola, etc. Ok. Anyways screw the warnings I gave about the fic being more mature. Hell, _I'm_ not feeling any more mature now that I'm 17 (My bday was September 11, happy birthday to me :-P) and besides this is the place where I can let my unconscious roam (damn you, college essays from HELL!). So sucks to warnings and maturity, and sucks to normality and sucks to capitalism, and yay for reviewers and weirdness and communist Skittles.

Note: in ancient days (well, some hundreds of years ago) a candle was used to mark time by measuring how much of the candle had burned away. Dripping water also served.

"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." –JFK

"Walk softly and carry a big stick." –Theodore Roosevelt

(these might not be exact quotes…forgive my weak memory)

• • •

---**CH 13: The Parallel Paradigm**

(pronounced PAIR-uh-dime) (this title has almost nothing to do with the chapter)

Kagome was in blackness for several seconds. All she could hear was her heart beating. It was thumping like crazy. _What happened?_ She couldn't stand not knowing. _Wake up!_ she commanded herself.

She woke up.

She was on the floor, and crouching above her, looking worried, were her mother and grandfather.

"Kagome! You're still with us!" exclaimed Mrs Higurashi in relief. Kagome stared at her mother. There were no tears, no signs of sadness, no lines of worry on her face. She looked perfectly normal, except for the concern over her daughter's welfare. Had she dreamed up the whole fanfic-created father, the upsetting reunion, the flash of purple light?

Inuyasha was standing near the stairs, looking shocked and unnerved. And opposite from Inuyasha was a man, a man Kagome didn't recognize– wait! It was her 'father'. But he looked somehow different…

Kagome forced herself up. "Hun, don't push it," said Mrs Higurashi worriedly. "You fainted."

But Kagome shook her head. "What happened? What happened?" she said, panicked. She had not emitted such a miko blast of power in a very long time, and most certainly never at a human being. She stared at the man, supposedly her father, who was standing a little ways back from her family. He looked much nicer than before, with his mouth twisted nervously and real concern in his eyes.

He saw her looking. "K- Kagome, are you all right?" He sounded so vulnerable, and anxious.

Kagome looked at Inuyasha. "What did I do?"

Inuyasha made a face. "There was a bunch of purple light, and then everything swam, and then suddenly you were on the ground and they– well, I dunno." He crossed his arms. "Anyways, you shouldn't have interfered. Are you all right?"

Kagome stood up. Mrs Higurashi led her to the couch. "I know meeting your father is a real shock, Kagome. Perhaps that's what it was?"

"Yes," Kagome said bluntly.

Mrs Higurashi put an arm around the man's shoulders, and he hugged her waist. They smiled at her, beaming and happy. Kagome stared. _Am I missing something?_

"W- Wait! Mom, how come…I mean, you were in tears a second ago!"

"No, dear, I had only just introduced you to Yahiko, and you just sort of fell like that onto the floor." She disengaged herself from the man and sat by Kagome. "I'm so sorry. It must be so sudden."

Kagome was still staring at the man. _His name wasn't Yahiko before…_ "Yes," her mouth said. "It was a shock. You don't remember a purple light?"

Mrs Higurashi held Kagome's hand. "No."

Kagome bit her lip and said nothing.

Yahiko said nervously, "I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. I was in a horrible car accident and had to be confined to a psychiatric ward. Your mother and my family decided it would be easier for you if I just disappeared from you and your brother's lives completely. You were told I was…was dead."

Mrs Higurashi smiled with tears of joy at the man standing before her. "Anata… You're well again…"

They couldn't take it anymore, running to each other and hugging and swinging around. Mrs Higurashi was crying. "I can't believe you're finally back!" And Yahiko was laughing with relief and murmuring in his wife's ear, "Keiko…Keiko, I love you…"

Inuyasha looked ready to cry. "They're so happy! It's so swee-eet!" he blurted. Kagome had to agree. Whatever had happened in the hallway had done something so bizarre she couldn't understand it. From a horrible twist of events had come a happy change in fate. And it was her power that had done it. But how?

"I—I need some time to think about this," said Kagome, standing up. Mrs Higurashi went to her. "Take all the time you want, Kagome."

Yahiko went over, too. He looked so sincere and awkward– just like Inuyasha– that her heart went out to him. "Forgive me," he said. "I want to be here for you from now on…"

Kagome's heart broke. She could never tell her mother how she missed a father figure, nor how Sota clung to Inuyasha in the hope of filling that missing piece of family. So maybe this father wasn't real. So maybe he was a creation from a fanfiction. But it didn't matter. He was here, and he would make her mother's smile not so sad anymore, and he would help Sota ride a bike, and give Kagome a hug when she came back from school…

She gave him a hug, and he was so solidly real in her arms that she broke contact and sobbed to Inuyasha, "Let's go…"

She left her mother and her father hugging each other and her grandfather dancing the Ancient Family Dance of Joy with joy in the house, and raced out to the well. The emotions battling in her were so confusing…

She and Inuyasha fell through the time slip. They clambered out of the well together, saying nothing.

At last Inuyasha said, "Wow, Kagome…congratulations…Er…I…" He trailed off. After all, the man Kagome had just hugged was her father, and he'd rashly attempted to slay the same person only moments ago.

"Yeah. I…I can't believe it. He changed…he's my father, now…"

"But not really. I mean, I can still smell it on him. He's not really human. He smells kind of papery."

Kagome glared at the ground with tears still swimming in her eyes, and said nothing.

After another silence Inuyasha said, "So…you know that thing you did? They don't remember it, but I do. You did something…changed something…"

"I know."

Silence.

Then Inuyasha said, "Uh, can you do the same to me? I mean, I'm kinda sick of being a girl. I want to stop having all these dumb things. Like mood shifts. Periods. Being so…weird. I want to be normal again, ya know?"

"You don't like being a girl, huh…" Kagome said, not really listening.

"Yeah. It, like totally sucks."

"Look who you're you talking to."

"Oh."

More silence. Then Kagome sighed. "I guess I could try to change you back." She placed her palms on Inuyasha's chest, forcing herself to concentrate. _Inuyasha is unhappy. Might as well make him feel better._

Inuyasha squirmed in glee. "I'll be me again!" he squealed.

"Shh." Kagome forced her thoughts toward her hands, thinking, _Inuyasha is a boy. Inuyasha is a boy. Inuyasha wants to be a boy again…I'll make him be a boy again. Make Inuyasha a boy again._

There was a powerful jolt, like a lightning bolt that jammed itself out of Kagome's palms. It _hurt_. Something was ramming out of her hands, out of her body. Kagome screamed. She couldn't see, couldn't breathe; a hand like iron was squeezing her, and twisting her in half– something snapped, and she was on the grass, panting heavily, wheezing.

"Oh my god. Kagome. Kagome!" Inuyasha was panicking somewhere above her. "Kagome, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have asked– I didn't know– I mean, oh shit, oh shit, I'm such a bitch! Oh my god!"

Kagome coughed. Flecks of blood appeared on the grass. Inuyasha screamed, high pitched and frightened. "Inuyasha, you scream like a girl," Kagome said, and fainted.

• • •

Naraku rubbed his hands together delightedly. Everything was going his way, and at this rate, he'd have everything. Even Sesshomaru, the love of his life.

"Kaaaaagura!" he yelled. No reponse. He sighed angrily. Except for Kagura, everything was going his way. Kagura always took pleasure in making his blood pressure go up. He'd had to make Kanna whip up a few Ibuprofin pills for the headaches she gave him.

Kanna, at the moment, was sweeping invisible grains of dust from the floor. "Kanna….would you quit that!" he snapped. She had started to make whines of frustration when she couldn't get the demon grease out of the wood. Kanna glared, and sulked off to go and wipe down the stairs, followed by cleaning the banisters, followed by doing the laundry of the castle's dead soldiers, followed by….

Still planning, she left him. Naraku, bored, sat in his workshop a few minutes more. Then, for fun, he decided to visit Kikyo. He'd locked her in a cell downstairs.

The cell was empty when he got there. He glared. "_Damn _it, you uppity bitch!" he yelled. He grabbed at the candle burning on the floor and peered at its progress. The candle was barely melted at all. "Ten minutes better than last time!"

Kikyo laughed, jumping down from the nook where she'd been hiding. "I beat the time limit again."

Naraku scowled. Kikyo always escaped the prisons he created long before the agreed time was up. Twenty minutes more, and he would have made fifty yen off her. "Well, next time I'll put more spells and you won't be able to get out."

"Bet I could!"

But despite their banter, he knew she was up to something. She was taunting him with her presence, not sulking and calculating like the last time he'd captured her. Then again, he'd been different back then, too… He shrugged. People and demons can change, even super bastards like himself and the living dead like Kikyo. Though he didn't really understand how…

"Anyways, to business," he said. "You'll never guess what I've planned for tonight."

"Just spill it."

He grinned. "I'd present it more dramatically, but I need you to understand I've just been playing around up til now. As of now, spells are taking effect to banish your soul-stealers from the castle. And then we'll see how easily you escape my prisons."

She glared. "I could kill you right now."

"I'm not human right now, dear."

"It doesn't matter. I'm still carrying that grave dirt."

"But you haven't used it," he taunted her. "Why brag if it's just a bluff? You're holding yourself back. Anyways, that's beside the point. I know you were visiting Inuyasha when I came and got you. I know that's where he is."

"Actually, I didn't see him." Which was true. She'd visited the god-tree, and then left. Nothing ultra-special.

Naraku shrugged. "He _was_ there. Or should I say _she_?"

Kikyo glared. "What's your point?"

"You _do_ know who turned our beloved Inu into a creature of female sex."

"So?"

"Well, I've created a most beautiful death for her, so don't botch it up." Naraku beamed. "There's no way he/she could escape. They will all die."

Kikyo stared, then laughed. "If I had ten yen for each time you said that, I'd be rich."

"You're forgetting Inuyasha's not himself. Literally."

"…so what?"

"He's a woman. Weak, pathetic, barely able to manage Tetsusaiga. And emotions easier to play. It's medically proven that women are less strong than men. So how will he protect himself tonight?"

Kikyo laughed. "You mean to tell me you don't think women are as fit?"

"You heard me!" Naraku was nettled. How come she wasn't shaking in her shoes?

"Let's take this outside, pretty boy. We'll see who's stronger." Kikyo looked completely ready to take him down. "Bring it."

Naraku swallowed. "I'll pass." He summoned his jyaki to banish her into his prison of spells.

"Come on!" Kikyo leapt for him.

…

Half and hour later, sore and grumpy, Naraku stalked back up to his workroom. _Never mess with feminists_, he decided. _They bite._

• • •

Miroku sat with Sango in his lap by the river. "When will those two be back?"

Sango looked at the ground. "They've been gone quite a while."

Miroku snuggled up against her. "I can't complain."

"I can," grumped Shippo. "I don't get any attention around here anymore."

"C'mere," said Sango, and opened her arms. Shippo jumped into them and cuddled up against her.

"Hey monk," Sango started.

"What," said Miroku, pushing his face into her back and shutting his eyes, ready for a nap.

"Do you want kids?"

Miroku gagged on a mouthful of Sango's hair and reeled. "What!"

"Kids. You know, those things that a man and woman make together," Sango said lightly.

"On second thought," said Shippo, squirming away from Sango, "I think I'll give you two a little private time." He scampered away, followed by a nervous-looking Kirara.

Miroku's face was grim and lined, adding five years to his appearance. "Sango…"

Sango sighed and leaned back on him. "I'm sorry, monk…Miroku. I…"

"No. I understand." He kissed her neck. They were both thinking about the seriousness that lay behind his comical request to every pretty lady he met…His standard "Will you bear my child?" line always bore the implication that one day, and too soon, Miroku would die, and needed an heir to pass along his genes before his family line disappeared forever.

They sat in silence, watching the river sparkle and shine, and thinking of the bright future predicted by those fanfictions Kagome used to read to them when the whole mess was only just beginning.

"I do want kids," said Miroku slowly. "But I gather that wasn't really your question."

Sango said, "It was out of place. Neither of us are really ready, and our lives aren't stable…But… Miroku, I do know I'm ready to love you."

Miroku at first, for all his womanizing experience, could not think of a reply. He let his answer show through his actions: he clasped his arms around Sango's shoulders, and rolled them over, so that they lay side by side. He kissed her for so long they both ran out of breath…

• • •

Sesshomaru put down the sheaf of pages. The Goshinboku tree rustled a little uneasily over his head, as if afraid of his reaction. Sesshomaru stared up through the branches. "So that's the way it is," he said quietly.

The Goshinboku shook off a few leaves politely. Sesshomaru was in no mood for pleasantries. He resisted the impulse to wipe the tree's good mood right off its bark. "What to do," he mused aloud, face impassive.

The great tree whispered to him, smiling at its secret. Sesshomaru stiffened. "_What_wood?"

The tree laughed, and said nothing more. Then it abruptly shuddered. Out of a lower branch, a white rolled-paper bud shoved its way out of the bark, grew, blossomed and fell, a sped-up version of a normal budding leaf. Sesshomaru picked up the fully-grown paper leaflet, read it. His eyes narrowed.

On the paper in his claws were seven simple words: _See Wolfwood the Oracle of Two Suns._

"_Wolfwood_? As in 'wolves'?"

There was nothing else for it. Despite all his principles, he had to consort with the demon wolves, no doubt, to find his answer. "The things I do for my country…" he muttered.

Then, on a whim, he recited aloud, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." He considered that for a moment. "Bullshit." Then he turned, nodded his thanks to the tree– who waved good-naturedly– and returned to where his followers were waiting.

"Rin. You must take refuge near this village. An old woman named Kaede will take care of you if you request it. Jaken, stay here. I will be back before the moon hides its face."

"W-where are you going, master?" squeaked Jaken.

"Someplace you can't follow."

"Maaaaster!" came Jaken's protest behind him, but Sesshomaru was already soaring through the sky. He had no worry about danger. Fingering the swords at his side, he thought, _Fly softly and carry a big stick._ He smiled grimly.

_Wolfwood…Wolfwood._ The Goshinboku had spoken. The Oracle of the Two Suns did not sound familiar, but a tree as wise as that god-tree surely knew where the answer to the world's new ways could be found.

• • •

Kagome slowly opened her eyes.

Inuyasha instantly put his face in hers. "Are you okay? Kagome, you can't keep fainting like that!" he squealed. "It's bad for you."

He helped her sit up. Kagome felt utterly nauseated, and clutched her stomach. "Ow…" Her fingers flew to her forehead. There was spot, right in the center, that burned. "I have a headache…What happened?"

"I think you hit your head on the corner of the well. You have the big red mark," Inuyasha said. "Look, let's go to the river and get water."

Kagome laughed weakly. "I really don't feel like moving."

Inuyasha smacked himself. "Of course, of course, I'm a fool," he groaned. "Sorry. Just lie down, okay? Here, put your head in my lap." He arranged himself under her.

Kagome couldn't stop the reminiscent smile that spread over her face. "Remember how, a long time ago, we fought a spider demon, and you got poisoned? And you lay on my lap, just like this."

"You smelled good."

"I remember you said that."

They sat there for a little while. _So much has happened since then. Is it even possible? So much we've seen and done…and still so much adventure to go. _ Kagome wondered. The thoughts overwhelmed her. She felt small and a little lost, but still happy and eager for whatever came next. Then a spasm of fresh pain struck her, and she gritted her teeth. "You smell good," she said to Inuyasha, trying to forget the migraine.

"Hey Kagome," said Inuyasha. He appeared not to have heard her. "Oh, my god. Oh my god."

"What?"

"Your forehead…"

"What?" She was starting to feel alarm. Her forehead was really tingling now, burning with pain. "Am I bleeding?"

"No…but you…"

Kagome picked herself up, looked at her reflection in Inuyasha's golden, widened eyes.

"Oh my god," she said.

Before her very eyes, reflected in Inuyasha's irises, she saw herself. She brought her nose right to Inuyasha's. Both of them would have blushed had they not been riveted by what was appearing on Kagome's forehead.

Her skin was stretching, shifting. Something was rising out of the depths of her skull. Kagome felt her scream rising.

She watched at her forehead started to settle again, and saw that right in the middle of her upper face, directly between her eyes, a scar was pushing its way up.

It was shaped like a bolt of lightning.

here we end Chapter 13, falala. The unlucky chapter that had to wait for a long time. Thanks again soapfiction, and all other reviewers.

Isn't it just like life to give you what you think you know and then take it away? Just _bam_. Just like that. Grrrr…don't ask.

P.S. Why does EVERYONE call Inuyasha's eyes "orbs"? Am I missing something? I make the firm commitment to never once call his eyes orbs. If I do, flame me.

Got any pet peeves with fanfiction? Tell me about it, and I can write them in somewhere. Jk. Except maybe as fanfiction that Kagome reads.

Hey do any of you go to the Bishop's School in La Jolla? I don't but I'm just wondering. Actually it would be interesting to know where ya'll are from. I hail from San Diego CA, USA. HOW ABOUT YOU:-)


	14. Deadly Destiny

Oops, sorry, Anachronist. I missed your birthday. Happy bday.

Thanks those of you who responded with pet peeves or where you live, and to all those of you who simply wrote me a note. I love reading your responses. I suppose now is a good time to say this: if you want to be in this fanfiction, give me permission. It'll be a cameo, and I don't know anything about yall, but if you are okay with me using you later on then just drop me a line saying so.

Hope I didn't give away too much…eh.

To answer a question that Ryu-chan asked me: about the God-tree. It's sort of left up to you about what's happening with the tree, at least until later. The tree has been reading it, yes. (That god tree is such a perv. Jk, jk)

To inuzrule: actually I've seen episode one of FLCL too but I didn't think of that when I wrote the last chap…FLCL is SO BIZARRE. I don't get it at all!

CH 14: Deadly Destiny 

(the title is appropriate for once.. duhn duhn duhnnnnn)

Inuyasha stared at Kagome, who was bent over her pocket mirror and fingering her forehead.

"You okay?" he said tentatively, after minutes of silence.

"I feel better, at least," said Kagome, throwing her mirror back into her bag. "At least I'm not about to throw up anymore."

"Yeah, it really sucks to throw up…"

Kagome grabbed out the pocket mirror again, opened it. There it was, still! On her forehead, vivid and yet looking years old, was a lightning scar, right in the center of her forehead. It wasn't bleeding or anything. It was like someone took a magic marker and made a squiggle on her face, except it was a _scar._ She felt it again. It was real.

"Can you hand me the concealer?"

"The what?"

Kagome repeated, "The concealer. You know. It's in my bag. The powdery thing."

Inuyasha dug through her bag. Kagome wasn't at all surprised when he grew captivated by the sparkly cosmetics bag. "Oooh…It sparkles!" he exclaimed.

Kagome twisted her lips and took it from him. Quickly she applied makeup to her forehead. "Okay, I'm done," she said, snapping the compact shut. "It's not big deal. Let's go find Sango and Miroku and Shippo, okay?"

Inuyasha frowned. "You're okay with the fact that a scar just bubbled up out of your forehead?"

Kagome winced. "Yuck."

She picked up the yellow backpack and started tromping over the heather toward the river. Inuyasha followed. He was content just to blankly stare at Kagome's hair, shining in the sunlight. He felt his own hair and how coarse it was. He grimaced.

Kagome, however, was not thinking about Inuyasha at all. She was thinking about someone who normally she hated thinking about: Kikyo.

• • •

Sesshomaru at last reached the wolf-tribe's traditional grounds. Yet the smell of demon was faint. Sesshomaru's brows knotted fractionally. "What has happened here?" There wasn't even the smell of death to betray the past. It was as though they'd vanished.

Then Sesshomaru recalled Koga. Prince of the Wolf Tribe. The wolf had been far from his homeland, with only two retainers—something must be wrong. He didn't want to have to go find the arrogant wolf to ask what had happened. He walked into the cave formerly so ferociously guarded by the wolf tribe.

An instant realization reached him when he stepped into the cave through the thin sheet of waterfall at the entrance. _Someone lives here_.

_Could this be the lair of Wolfwood?_ Sesshomaru drew his sword Tokijin. This creature could be powerful, a force to be reckoned with indeed. _Oracle of the Two Suns_…possibly even royalty, with that title. Sesshomaru would not bow before him, but respect his power he could indeed.

"Greetings," he said coldly, his voice echoing in the empty cavern. He could hear no movement, and the waterfall was irritatingly covering up any small noises. "I am Sesshomaru. I would speak with you."

All of a sudden his senses blazed. Someone was springing through the waterfall– and a jolt of something like fear snapped in Sesshomaru as he realized that the being springing towards him was human, except not quite. And there was a powerful aura accompanying it…

"Freeze!" shouted a voice. "If you move I'll have your brains out! Say who you are and why you are here!"

Sesshomaru was tingling with fury. How dare he be treated so poorly? How dare this person spark a sense of unease in him?

He spun around, fangs bared, Tokijin cocked to send the intruder's head from his body.

He froze.

A huge metal object was pointed right at his face. There was no doubt it was some powerful weapon, and the strong aura of power came from it. And behind the monstrous thing, holding it up one-handed, was a man. A human creature.

Sesshomaru dropped his snarl and glared. "I am Sesshomaru," he repeated. "I must speak with Wolfwood, Oracle of the Two Suns."

The human considered him for a long time. "I am he," he said at last. With a nonchalant grin he said, "If you've come to kill me, you're too late!"

Sesshomaru ignored that, though it struck him as odd. "I have come to ask you something."

"Ask away." Wolfwood did not lower the huge weapon, but walked past Sesshomaru sideways, his eyes never leaving the demon's face. Finally he was walking backwards into the depths of the cave. "Follow me."

Sesshomaru followed. Wolfwood took a small object out of his jacket with the free hand, clicked it. A small yellow flame sizzled up. Wolfwood lit a fire in the center of the cave, and when it was settled and crackling in its ring of stones, he finally set down the huge metal thing. Sesshomaru could see it was cross-shaped, with a tall beam and a shorter one crossing it.

"What is that," he said.

"My gun. Never, ever touch it, because I've got spares on me to rip you to shreds."

Sesshomaru's hackles were rising. "Don't you speak to me that way, human!" He had no clue what a gun was.

Wolfwood's eyes gleamed. "I'll speak to you how I want."

Sesshomaru hissed, "Watch your tongue, human. I may just take it from you." He was starting to enter a really bad mood. His hair was already puffing again.

"Is that a threat?"

"I'm this close to just killing you and being on my way!" Sesshomaru responded.

"Try it."

"You're dead!" Sesshomaru snapped. He drew from the air his long, thin whip of demonic power. Human flesh would wither at its touch. Then this annoying being would be gone! How could a _human_ be the Oracle!

Even more quickly that Sesshomaru, the man pulled out a small metal object from his coat. _BAM! BAM! BAM!_

Sesshomaru froze. A sound like thunder revebrated in the cave. He twisted his hand and the whip died. Sesshomaru's eyes were wide, and he was thankful Jaken and Rin weren't here to see him so stunned. Around his head, in the rock, were three huge holes that might have been made in his body had the human not purposely missed.

Wolfwood's eyes were narrowed dangerously. "I warned you. I'd kill you, but you've got a little girl waiting for you. Don't know how she stands it."

Sesshomaru forced himself to be calm again. What was this man, and what in the hells were those gun things! "How did you know?" he said.

Wolfwood shrugged.

Sesshomaru found his anger slipping away. "I have a question for you. I need an answer."

"If I can, I'll answer."

"I have come to find out where this world went wrong."

Wolfwood burst out laughing. Sesshomaru pouted. What was so funny?

"Come with me, demon," he said, shouldering the enormous gun thing. "Let's go see what's wrong with the world."

• • •

Naraku awoke the next morning with glee. His plans had been laid, the trap was set, Kikyo was prisoner, he'd had good dreams, and Kanna was making pancakes—what a wonderful morning! "Oh what a wonderful mooooorrrning, oh what a wonderful daaaay," he sang as he got up. A mirror on the far side of the wall shattered as he hit the high notes, "Everything's going my way!"

"What is the god-awful noise?" grumped Kagura as she threw open the screen door.

"Kagura! My foul-mouthed female friend! Isn't today wonderful?" crowed Naraku. "The trrrap is sprrruuuuung!" he warbled. "Is Kanna done with the pancakes? I can't wait to see her face when I measure them and tell her they aren't perfect circles! She'll cry so hard!"

Kagura winced. "Well, I just thought I'd tell you. I can't find Kikyo."

Naraku's good mood fell of his face and shattered like his mirror. "_What!"_

"I _said_, I can't find her."

"You suck!" Naraku hissed. "My good morning is gone!"

Kagura shrugged and left. Naraku gritted his teeth. "FIND her!" he yelled.

"Do it yourself," she called back.

Naraku growled to himself. "Okay, organize," he said to himself. He closed his eyes, put his fingers to his temples.

"Number 1. Find Kikyo. 2. Keep plotting for Sesshomaru. 3. Make sure everything is in place for Operation Gender Switch. 4…Um. Get Kagura to redo my hair extensions. 5. Uh...uh….there was something, damn it! Oh hell. I want pancakes before I go look for Kikyo. They smell so good."

He got up and went downstairs. "Pancaaaakes," he sang. So what if Kikyo escaped? She'd be too late. Too, too late.

• • •

Kikyo shoved her way through the brambles. Her normally stony appearance was long gone. Her hair was wild, her eyes wide with fear, her clothing torn. Her breath came fast. She stumbled on a branch and fell. "Aah," she hissed in pain. She closed her eyes, panting. Tears were starting to come, and she hadn't cried in fifty years… She blinked furiously, and the tears vanished.

In Naraku's prison, what dreams had come! They had shaken her to the core. She clutched at her chest, miserable and in pain, fearful for her life. She was lost in this godforsaken forest. She knew Naraku had purposely twisted the path, keeping her lost until he had time to come recapture her. The demon castle still loomed behind her, and she was only a mile into the forest. She bowed her head with grief.

"To be, or not to be. That is the question," she whispered. "Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep– no more– and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to…"

She stopped. "I have no flesh, and yet I feel it, too. I feel it as I have not felt anything since I died," she whispered to the gray sky. It was the dreams, the dreams that had done it… "To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub, For in that sleep of death what dreams may come…" She hiccupped, and wearily got to her feet. "I must keep going."

As she walked, she wished she could have told poor Hamlet, whoever that poor sap was, the secrets of death, for she knew them all– what comes after, and during…

She had to find Kagome. Or living death would come true for all of feudal Japan, forever.

• • •

Sesshomaru stared at the cloven tree.

"Is this supposed to tell me something?" he said finally. He still had not forgiven this human for what he'd done to the great Sesshomaru, and secretly planned to leave the man a bloody mess when his question had been answered.

All that Wolfwood had done, though, was lead him to a dead tree, black and split in half by lightning.

"Look closely," said the man, leaning on his cross. "There is writing inscribed on the bark."

Sesshomaru knelt by the dead tree and laid a finger on the trunk. A shiver crawled up from his finger.

"What is that?"

"So you feel it too."

"Too?"

"There was a woman who came by, not long ago. She felt this tree and something happened to her. Then she said she had to report something and went off."

Sesshomaru instantly became alert. "Kagura," he hissed.

"No, that wasn't her name."

"She told you, eh. I wouldn't believe that wind witch, human."

"No. She didn't have to tell me."

Sesshomaru was reminded of how the human had known about Rin. "Who was it, then."

"Can't divulge that."

Sesshomaru thought wistfully of the time when he could pluck out the man's eyes.

"Well, I don't see any writing," he said, standing up. "You've lied to me. You'll pay."

The human didn't even look afraid. "Look there," he said, pointing to the tree's roots. There, Sesshomaru saw, were hiragana crawling like bugs over the bark.

He bent to read them. Silence reigned as he absorbed the scrawled message burned into the tree's dead flesh.

What he read there filled him with strange sense of dread, except it wasn't dread because a great demon could not possibly feel that, he told himself.

But there was no mistake.

Carved into the tree's bark, the letters squirming, were the words: "Destiny or Death."

• • •

I must end for now because I have a ballet performance to be in :-D I am in the Nutcracker and I'm a flower and a Spanish dancer. Too bad it's my last-ever Nutcracker…because I'm going away next year…. Wah.

Happy holidays

See you later


	15. Future Fulfilled

Well I've had quite a reprieve. I've basically moved on from my year-long Inuyasha infatuation, sadly enough… but I'll never get over writing, so here I am. Plus, the cast of Inuyasha is awesome– so flexible for other stories! Whee.

Right, so this next edition of Anachronist, the latest since December. Whoo.

Let me just preface with a note to soapfiction, who manipulates me more easily than a teenage kung fu fighter can manipulate a sharpened stick. Plus, he (he, right?) leaves very interesting reviews, far more creative than the story he's reviewing. :-) Check out the reviews page and read them.

In any case, I suppose this story will wrap up soon, or let me rephrase, in a couple chapters. No wait, that's complete bollocks. Who knows?

If anyone would like to beta some other stories I'm working on, not necessarily fanfiction (the latest being about a boy who lives in modern USA, but a dragon comes out of his face, taking his left eye with it), please let me know. It would be helpful to get an outside opinion of whatever crap/creation I produce.

**Anachronist note**: There are **58,026 **Inuyasha fanfictions as of this writing. If we assume they average about five pages per chapter, with each fic being on average 6 chapters (these numbers are invented, I have no clue what the average anything is) and you read one page in one minute, it would take you **1,740,780 minutes** to read all of them. That's **29013** hours, or **1208.8** days. And that's assuming that fanfictions are short and that you read quickly. Good thing no one tries to read all of them. Plus, there are repeats, so you can get away with not reading all of them but getting the basic gist of every plotline conceivable for Inuyasha. Did you know that **95 ** of all statistics are made up on the spot?

_Disclaimer: Wolfwood belongs to the series _Trigun_. Most other characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi and _Inuyasha

On to CHAPTER 15:

**Future Fulfilled!**

Inuyasha's mouth dropped open.

"You want me to _what?"_ he squeaked.

Kagome bit her lip. "Please?"

Sango came over to her. "Are you sure you're all right, Kagome?"

Miroku started sniggering. When they all looked at him, he shrugged. "Kikyo will be surprised to see her beauty rivaled by Inuyasha," he said.

Inuyasha snarled at Miroku, "Not funny, monk-face," and turned back to Kagome. "Why?"

"I need you to find Kikyo," Kagome said. "It's important." She looked down. Kikyo, the woman who had torn Inuyasha's heart in half, who competed with Kagome for his love; the woman who had in fact tried to kill her on occasion. But it was important that Inuyasha find her, and quickly.

Inuyasha cocked his head, puzzled. "Well– if you insist."

"I insist."

Sango started to say something, then stopped. "All right then. Inuyasha should probably go himself, it'll be quicker."

Kagome nodded. She shut her eyes briefly, thinking to herself, _Stop being so goddamned silly about it! He needs to find Kikyo._ She smiled at Inuyasha, tossed her hair back in a carefree manner. "Just stay safe, okay?"

Sango leapt forward abruptly. "Kagome!" she said. "Where did you get that scar?"

Miroku frowned. "It looks like a lightning bolt."

Kagome shied away from Sango. "Nothing. It's from hitting my head on the well."

Shippo jumped up to her shoulder. "It _does_ look like a lightning bolt!"

Kagome's eye flashed and she put a hand over her forehead. "It's nothing! Honestly, the way people stare at it all the time. It's a bit much!"

Now all of them had funny expressions. "Must've been quite a bump on the head," said Miroku. "Your voice is different, now, too."

Kagome was starting to feel irritated. "It's nothing. Anyways, we're pressed for time. Please Inuyasha, find Kikyo and bring her back here. Okay?"

Inuyasha half-grinned. "It'll be like a sleepover. Take care, honey." With a last worried look at Kagome, he bounded off.

Sango peered into Kagome's face. "You're sure that was okay?"

Kagome sighed. "It's necessary. Besides, Kikyo could really help us. She is a priestess, after all."

• • •

"The priestess thought so too, when she came," said the Oracle.

Sesshomaru glanced up sharply. A priestess? His mind flashed back to the time when Naraku had accosted him by his hot spring…

"God– you have– no idea– how hot– this is" panted Naraku between shakes. Sesshomaru dropped the hanyou, disgusted, and shamed into grabbed a pine bough to cover himself with, an act that shamed him even more. Sesshomaru was growling so much that moles braced themselves for the earthquake they thought was soon to come.

"_You will live no longer!" With a full intent to kill, Sesshomaru sprang upon the helplessly entranced prey. No living thing had yet escaped Sesshomaru's "You will die or else you DIE" attack mode. Naraku certainly would not have, but for the creature that dropped directly in front of Naraku and grabbed Sesshomaru's arm as it rushed to take Naraku's life from him._

_Sesshomaru ripped his arm from the creature's grasp, then stopped. He turned slowly. "You…"_

_His mind instantly told him whom this was, but he did not act on it. Instead, he glared. The intervener's hand had fallen off from the force of the attack._

"_You…how dare you be here?" snarled Sesshomaru._

"_Sesshomaru-sama," Kikyo said pleasantly. "I see I come somewhat unexpectedly." She looked at her hand, fallen on the ground. "I'll have that back, if you don't mind."_

_Sesshomaru moved slightly aside and allowed her to pick up the severed hand. It seemed to be crumbling as he watched._

"_An earthen body," the woman said, twisting her lips. She scooped some clay and leaves, working to reattach the hand. "You must have been intending to do some real damage to that bastard Naraku. After all, my body normally behaves as one of flesh. It's not often I see my hand taken off in one clean sweep."_

_Sesshomaru stared, mind working furiously, while acting as though he was above it all. "Explain why you have come, and let me finish off that half-breed bastard."_

_Kikyo bowed slightly, a smile touching her lips. "My apologies. As much of a hellspawn as he is, I am afraid Naraku must go untouched for the time being."_

_Sesshomaru brushed past Kikyo, not caring to hear these words and intending to end Naraku's life right there. But the hanyou was gone._

Ignoring the faintest-of-faint tinges of pink that brushed across his handsome visage, he nodded once. "Was her name Kikyo?"

"Like I said, I am not at liberty to say."

Sesshomaru looked back down at the inscription in the tree, burned into the blackened bark: Destiny or Death. "But a priestess was here?"

"Well, this may be tactless, considering her condition, but she wasn't here in the flesh."

Sesshomaru almost chuckled. "What do you mean?"

"She appeared here in spirit form, pulled by my aura in her dreams." The Oracle Wolfwood leaned on his great metal weapon casually, brushing back his thick black hair. "She appeared kind of like a hologram– you wouldn't know what that is. She was just here as an image. But we talked."

"And?"

"She said exactly what you just said. She saw 'Destiny or Death', and she said, 'What dreams may come when we have fled this mortal coil.'"

"This Sesshomaru said nothing of the kind."

"Did too." Wolfwood grinned. "Right after, she said she heard someone coming and her image disappeared. Right before that, she said, 'Help me, Oracle, you're my only hope.'" The tall human pulled out a roll of tobacco and lit it. "I hear that kind of thing a lot. Or I used to."

"What does it mean?"

"It means exactly what it sounds like. Destiny or death."

Sesshomaru stared a bit longer at the tree and its pulsating message. He felt that sense of _wrongness_ more and more, the longer he looked at it. And in addition, he could now feel the man's wrongness too. Whoever this Wolfwood was, the tree's aura made it obvious, he wasn't human, and he wasn't an Oracle. Finally Sesshomaru said, "You are the Oracle of Two Suns."

"I am." Wolfwood blew out a smoke ring, staring at the gray sky.

"You lie." He drew Tokijin and pointed it at the man's neck. "Who are you really?"

Wolfwood didn't flinch. "I am Wolfwood. I'm a priest."

Sesshomaru snorted. "A priest? You think that by saying that, I will spare your life?"

"I do not come from your world. I lived in a dusty land of two suns. When I came here, your Oracle granted me the powers I have now."

"And that weapon?"

"My own, from my own world. I died, back in my own world. I am something in nature similar to the priestess you seem to know, the one who came here. She understood. She, too, feels the pain I feel every waking minute."

Sesshomaru found himself almost liking the straight-forwardness, the boldness, of the human– but no, it wasn't liking. It was maybe, maybe, a little respect.

He sheathed his sword, nodded once. "I was told to seek you by the God-tree."

Wolfwood nodded toward the blackened, dead tree. "Its sibling. The God-tree could sense I was here because this tree told it. Before the lightning came."

"Why would the God-tree, the Goshinboku, tell me to seek you if you did not have any message or advice for me."

Wolfwood laughed and tapped his cigarette against the heel of his shoe. "I have advice, all right. First, seek this priestess and follow her. Secondly, the priestess' living double. I don't know her name, but apparently, the priestess has an existing double, a paradox of nature–"

Sesshomaru had a sinking feeling at this point that he would be forced to deal with his obnoxious brother and his troupe before long.

"Lastly, you must help her flesh-and-blood double ascend to power. You must protect her within an inch of your life. She is a friend of the God-tree and its siblings. And more importantly, it is to her that this message refers." He kicked at the base of the dead tree. "Destiny or death. Yeah, that's for her. She either meets her destiny, or–" he ground out the cigarette with his boot in the dust– "or we all meet death. Believe me, it's something you only want to experience once."

"We only do experience it once, mortal," said Sesshomaru automatically, though he was focused on all that the Oracle had just said.

Wolfwood laughed. "Isn't that lucky. Now you'd better get going. Big plans are being put into motion, plans that have either disastrous or fortunate outcomes depending on which future we end up with. Better pray we end up fortunate. The other future means we are all dead or in slavery."

Sesshomaru nodded and turned to leave. "One more thing, Lord Sesshomaru," said the Oracle. "Don't let that little girl Rin out of your sight for the next few days. Otherwise you might never see her again."

• • •

As you may recall, Naraku was busy scheming. It was so disorganized in his head, he had Kanna throw dirt on the ground and draw him an org chart in the dirt. Kanna was crying as she sprinkled the dirt all over the nice clean bloodstained tiles.

"I'll dictate," said Naraku. "Okay, Stage One of Operation Gender Switch was successful. Inuyasha is now a woman. Ha! Ha! Okay, Stage Two. I break the weaker vessel… and then with Inuyasha out of the way, I am free to court Sesshomaru and show that stupid slut Kagura who wears the pants around here." He thought wistfully of the leather pants he'd had to ruin.

Kanna drew the plans in the dirt, sniffling.

"Okay!" said Naraku. "I think I'll have a sherry and take a bath. When was the last time I took a bath anyway? Fetch me my rubber ducky, Kanna. Me and Quackers have planning to do–" The archvillain stopped. "No, no. This planning must be done alone. But in the meantime, will you send some demons out after Kikyo for me? Thaaaaank you!"

He sailed gaily off to take his bath.

Kagura slipped into the room the moment Naraku was gone. She read the plans in the dirt.

"So that's the way he's playing the game. Fool! He always underestimated the power of women," Kagura scoffed. A naughty smile played on her lips. "He'll never win Sesshy-sama's heart by being a bastard. There's a cardinal rule that a demon-possessed dummy like him could never understand…the way to a man's heart is though his stomach."

Kanna raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, so Sesshy isn't a man. But I've other wiles." She picked up a shard of glass from the former mirror and pouted at her reflection. "Does this lipgloss make me look too pale?"

Kanna shook her head.

"Good, because I have this fantastic chic little thing from Abercrombie and Fitch to wear the next time I see Sesshy. And look!" Kagura cheekily pulled up her kimono all the way, revealing a flashy pair of pink underwear with "Think Pink" in silver on the back. "Aren't they darling?"

Kanna rolled her eyes as Kagura prattled on. She pulled out two little white ear buds, put them in her ears, clicked "Shuffle" on her iPod Nano, and drowned out Kagura's discussion of rising prices for spandex as Iron Maiden blasted in her ears.

• • •

Kagome sat, looking at her scar in the mirror of her concealer case. She rubbed it with a finger. It was a perfect lightning bolt down her forehead. There was something ominous in that, but she didn't know what.

She pulled out a new fanfiction from her backpack and began to read. But her mind was only half on the story. The rest of her thought about Inuyasha, setting off to find Kikyo. She wasn't worried for him. True, he wasn't himself; but he was just as strong and capable as ever. He was even somewhat improved: he was sensitive, empathetic, and didn't get so damn annoying as often. But at the same time, she missed his maleness. The refuge of his arms. His arrogance that hid such insecurity, deep down…

She'd tried, for his sake, to make him a boy again. And it had gone horribly wrong. She looked at the pink scar in the mirror again. She needed Kikyo. Kikyo had undergone years of miko training. Kikyo would know.

Kagome was completely unaware that in another universe, in another dimension, in another country, in another era, a boy was waking up from a bad dream. The boy sat up in bed, stretching and yawning mightily. He looked over at the owl's cage in the corner, but it was empty. He bit his lip. _Hurry, Hedwig_…

He stood up and went over to the bathroom, tiptoeing so his snoring uncle would go on snoring. He washed his hands, glancing at his reflection as he turned to leave. Good, his face had recovered from that last bout of pimples. His forehead was utterly smooth. _About time_, he thought, and went back to his room to keep packing his truck for the long journey that was to come.

He didn't even notice that the symbol of his life, the mark that had set him apart since he was one year old, was missing…

Until he did a double take, ran up to the mirror, and did a frantic search all over his forehead. His fingers danced across his face, searching, as though the scar could have slid down like a raw egg until it dribbled off his chin. "What the bloody–" he started to choke, but a purple light enveloped him. Yelling with all his might, the boy was tugged and swallowed by the purple glow, until at last nothing of him remained in that world.

• • •

Wolfwood smiled. "Destiny or Death," he mumbled to himself, lighting up a cigarette. It was irritating trying to find cigarettes in Feudal Japan. Just one more inconvenience in his life. But he'd been promised in return for his services something he desired beyond all knowing…

He would never offer his powerful strength for free. But he was mightily interested in the body-double the God-tree's sibling had spoken of. A body-double of a great priestess, who would save the world... Apparently, the tree had told him, the signal of the great battle was to be in a stroke of lightning. But the lightning bolt that had destroyed the poor tree, he felt, was not what the tree had referred to. He had no great command of Japanese, but the word wasn't "lightning" exactly…but something more subtle. This was what he hated about Japanese. He liked things straight-forward. He thought with a powerful sadness and longing of the days on a hostile but straight-forward planet far, far away from here, with companions that no other world could ever hold…Never to be seen again, until…

At that moment a horrible thought occurred to him. "Shit!" he cursed. He stubbed out the precious cigarette and tucked it carefully into his breast pocket. He couldn't wait for that priestess he'd spoken to to find the body double girl. He had to find her NOW.

Maybe hostile planets weren't so far away, after all!

• • •

Sesshomaru grabbed Rin right out of a game of tiddlywinks. "Sesshomaru-sama, I was winning," she said reproachfully.

Sesshomaru said nothing. He already had Jaken around the neck in the other hand. He had to find that girl Kagome as fast as possible…

Clutching his two retainers, he soared over the forest.

Then something caught his eye. A red haori, his half-brother's trademark, and moving tree to tree. He remembered that once upon a time, he'd made an agreement to meet with his stupid hanyou brother, in order to talk to him. For a second or two he toyed with the idea of drifting down to talk with the fool. Then he noticed something suspicious.

Black-clad men carrying strange instruments were creeping toward Inuyasha. Sesshomaru could see them from his viewpoint. But his half-brother could not…

Here are how things stand at this point in time, dear reader: the sun is growing low in the sky, and soon night will far.

Far away, Naraku chuckles. Stage Two of Operation Gender Switch was almost complete.

Kikyo struggles through the forest of Naraku's devising, her clothes growing ragged and her recitations of _Hamlet_ more complete.

Wolfwood strides long strides south, carrying his magnificent guns and cursing the gods for a lack of cigarettes, wishing he'd thought to include those in his contract. If he was needed in a battle of Good Versus Evil, a relaxing smoke was always a plus.

And far off, traveling in a complex loophole that traversed this universe, your universe, and mine, swirling and growing in mass, teeming with shadowy figures, was a cloud of Evil unlike anything Feudal Japan– or any land on Earth– had ever seen. No, it wasn't Dick Cheney…it was something far worse, with more power to do Evil, with a malicious intent, and growing yet in numbers…Evil condensing, traveling at top speed right toward the great island nation.

• • •

and so ends chapter the fifteenth! I'm having fun once again. Happy fourth of July everybody. I can't BELIEVE how long it's been. Last time I wrote it was December. I haven't even read anything on since, what, January? Earlier? I dunno. I haven't seen any anime at all since about then.

SOMEBODY RECOMMEND SOME GOOD ANIME! I'M DYING! Oh and then send it to me. I have a Mac and all those download sites hate me…. Preferable realPlayer format (.rm) if you don't mind. And a spot of milk couldn't hurt, wot wot?

I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!

Hey, in the time since I last wrote, I finished high school (HELL YES!), took up archery, teched two plays, stage managed One Acts, held a camp at my house, started to work on a play production, went to Mammoth and mountain biked which is the funnest thing ever, went to Prom, etc, etc. Hot dog:-D

Thank you all reviewers. I think I speak for all writers here when I say that knowing someone is paying attention to your work is _such_ a meaningful reward…


	16. Confounding Convergence

_**Disclaimer**: Inuyasha characters are Rumiko Takahashi's. Xaphania is from _His Dark Materials_ by Philip Pullman. JK Rowling is property of JK Rowling and the publishing world. I totally made up a fake email for her. Don't think that's the real one. Arthur Dent is Douglas Adams', from _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _and other novels._

_However Nathan is mine. He's a teenage angel! And I know he's also a little androgynous._

_Note:_ I'm sorry if the angel part of the story makes no sense. You have to have read _The Amber Spyglass_ to really understand. But I tried to make the story make sense to someone who hasn't read it. A general idea is all you need.

**Fun fact:**

_Syllogism_: a logical form of argument in three parts. Socrates' method, I think?

Chapter 16

Confounding Convergence 

The mighty winged Guardian Angel, Nathan, sighed. Lately, things had been pretty quiet. The angels had set up their operation in the abandoned fortress of an abandoned world, where no other beings lived except the angels

The angels were the keepers of the new-found peace in the universe. No longer were they just called Watchers, the _bene elim_: now they called themselves the Guardians.

Nathan was one such Guardian. His wings rustling gently, he sat with a Starbucks latte in his transparent, naked lap. There were at least two Starbucks cafes in the upper castle alone. Nathan was not thinking of that, though; he was eyeing the flashing red light on his desk.

That light was an alarm. Three weeks ago, almost a month ago by now, the alarm had been triggered. Fearing that Metatron, the fallen, corrupt angel, had returned to kill the peaceful angels, Nathan had felt so jittery, he'd had at least three lattes in the past eight hours alone. The sugar calmed him, oddly enough.

But the alarm wasn't because of Metatron, as the Guardian chieftess Xaphania had found out. And now many Guardians had flown out to many of the worlds, trying to discover what _had_ happened. What had triggered the alarm? Something was wrong, somewhere, in one of the millions of universes.

They left Nathan as second-in-command, in charge of the communications room whenever the angel Benjamin had his break or went somewhere to angelically relieve himself. Nathan didn't mind being the guy left behind. The communications room was high-tech, with every kind of computer technology available, and Nathan was having fun. He had installed Linux, cracked a wireless network with Ethereal and AirSnort, found a Shakira video on the Internet, downloaded _American Pie_, hacked into two different government archives, and voted online for Jessica Alba for Most Sexy Performance (in _Sin City_).

But all this started to get boring after a while. Nathan sighed again and started flipping through his email inbox. Usually he got emails from other angels, but this time something caught his eye. **One new message from ****JKRowling User Unknown. Add to address New Testament?** "Moonbeam moths! I could've sworn I turned the spam guard on," Nathan complained.

He clicked on the email so that he could program its keywords into the spam-guard's filter.

He read the email once and his eyes widened. "HALLELUJAH!" he shouted, leaping backwards, his wings brushing the palm tree fronds around him.

The email read like this:

_Dear Angelic forces:_

_I wish to issue a complaint. I understand things a little shaken up so soon after the Great and Last Revolution, but COME ON! I am really angry and flummoxed._

_As you may have heard, I am writing one of the most famous book series ever to be written: **Harry Potter**, the series of seven books. I have long made it known that I am writing SEVEN and only SEVEN books. I just published the sixth one. I heard a lot of the angels read it and I'm glad for your support._

_BUT! I NEED HARRY TO FINISH THE SEVENTH BOOK! NOW DO YOU WANT TO FIND OUT HOW IT ENDS OR NOT? GIVE HIM BACK!_

_Hoping no offence is taken,_

_An angry JKR_

Nathan at once wrote back:

_Dearest Mrs. Rowling:_

_I've never written to an earthling before. I'll try and format this email so its power doesn't destroy your computer. Also, if you have a PC, you must exorcise it first, because a divine email entering an object of evil might cause an explosion._

_I have read your books and OMG I love love LOVE them! Really you are very talented. Actually I think I may know a Guardian angel who says he's been Watching over you. Do you know of Hans Christian Anderson?_

_Anyway, I don't know what you mean by "GIVE HIM BACK". Please, explain._

_Signed adoringly,_

_Your aficionado Nathan the Communications-in-Training-Guardian-angel_

_P.S. Sorry if I don't sound very adept at writing. I am only 500 years old. No one else is here right now to help me write in English. Could you sign a copy of your sixth book for me and send it to Asriel's Castle, World 23875345987C, Care of Nathan, Communications Booth? THANKS!_

The answer came within in a split second: time passed differently on JK's world, he could tell, because her email host labeled the email as being a day later.

_Dear Nathan:_

_You remind me very much of my own children. Don't worry about your writing skills. They come with time and effort. I'd love to send a signed copy to you but I don't think that I can FedEx packages to other worlds._

_AND YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT I MEAN ABOUT HARRY! HE'S TOTALLY VANISHED OUT OF THE WORLD AND NONE OF MY CHARACTERS DID IT! NOT EVEN SNAPE! FIND HIM AT ONCE!_

_Do you realize what trouble this has caused me? I head out to Privet Drive, and I find Hermione and Ron are already there and totally traumatized because they found a freak with claws sticking out of his hands in Harry's bed. Harry is nowhere to be seen and I already have like five hundred scratches on the upholstery in my car from this klutz's titanium (or whatever) claws! If this is somebody's idea of a joke, it's not funny. I'll get the Prince of Darkness to hire me a couple of his lawyers (he's got tons to spare) and then you'll be sorry._

_I hate being having to threaten you but I'm already reduced to tears. What will I do? Millions of fans are waiting on me… I CAN'T WORK IN THESE CONDITIONS! Harry's vanished out of this world! There's gonna be no seventh book, no huge deals or promos, NADA, if he doesn't return._

_With pleasure, as always, BUT BEGGING YOU TO DO SOMETHING,_

_JKR_

Nathan bit his lip. THE SEVENTH BOOK WOULDN'T COME OUT UNTIL HARRY WAS FOUND? His heart was fluttering in his chest. That was very, very bad.

Quickly Nathan grabbed a sticky note from the pad by the 500,000GB superdupercomputer and scribbled, "My dear Mentor Gabriel: I'm off to seek the wizard, the wonderful wizard of 'OZ 234098345-EARTH'. Reach me on my cell: 555-NATE. But I have T-mobile so the call might not go through. Eternal love, Nathan."

He quickly accessed the angelic Harry Potter fansite (wwAw.potter4sainthood.div), on the World Wide Angel Web. He posted an urgent message that would instantly copy itself to any PotterForSainthood member's desktop:

–_plz help harryz missing from earth! Gtg search for him. JKR is :-(… Bbl. Sum1 help me find + resQ HJP! _

_THX:-D Call me 555-NATE. Any1 who helps me: ur a total angel.– _

_: NatetheAlmighty :_

The search was on.

• • •

In another world not far away, Harry Potter sat up, groaning. His eyes were watering. Then, out of the darkness swimming in front of his eyes, he heard a voice. Unfamiliar, but at least an English voice, with an accent he recognized. He let out a deep breath.

Harry tried forcing his eyes open. His forehead flared in pain: and instinctively he reached up a hand to his scar. Until he remembered, he had no scar. But his fingers went to his forehead anyway—and there was a bump there, after all. A whopping sort of bump, a bump from hitting something hard with your skull. A bump that looks like a Trudblugger Mole Rat of Worbaton Nine is living in your face and is trying to surface.

_Mole rats?_ Harry thought, dazed. _I don't have a mole rat in my face._

He frowned at the thought of a mole rat tunneling around in his nasal passages. Then the English voice spoke again.

"Bloody hell. How many times do I have to say, I do NOT want the Daily Drop-In, for heaven's sake… And the tea! It's gotten all over me, too…Do you know how hard it is to get Earl Gray out of your bedroom slippers? FORD! FORD!"

This made even less sense than moles in facial cavities. Harry at last took his hands and opened his eyes forcibly. A very ordinary, middle-aged man was glaring at him. At first impression, Harry took him for the Uncle Vernon type, though much skinnier, less bulgey-faced, and much more pleasant-looking. Right now, though, the man was just as red-faced and grumpy. He was still shouting at Harry.

"Did Ford send you? Did he? I'm not paying you a cent, not a cent. Though you might as well tell me if the Guide's win has hit the press yet."

The man stood there expectantly.

Harry glared. His vision was still mostly black and patchy. What in Merlin's Beard did this suburban idiot want with him?

Finally he said, "I'm Harry Potter. Who are you?"

He was completely taken aback when the man didn't turn a hair at hearing his name. "I won't tell you who I am! I don't want every credit card bill known to man, alien, beast or horswoggle to show up with my name on it. I did NOT request a Daily Drop-In, you can't bill me for it. You may tell them that! Go on, get!" He angrily walked out of Harry's field of vision, and Harry heard a door open. "Go on!"

Harry was furious. Pushing his glasses up on his nose, he said, "I'm not from—from the Daily Drop-In, or whatever. I'm…I'm lying on the floor," he said in amazement, as he tried to get up. Amazingly his glasses weren't broken.

"You're not a Daily Drop-In?" The man sounded a little disappointed. "I've heard it's a very convenient but annoying way of getting news. In any case, you've made quite a hole in my ceiling. So if you don't mind, why exactly are you falling through a chap's roof in the middle of breakfast tea?"

"Who _are_ you?" said Harry impatiently.

"I'm Arthur Dent. And you are Harry Potter. Glad to know you. Do you fancy a cup yourself?" The man reached down and gave Harry a hand up, looking most amiable very suddenly. Not at all like Uncle Vernon.

Abruptly an unholy noise racketed off the walls, a screaming and wailing sort of sound like a thousand banshees being told they hadn't saved 15 on their car insurance (banshees are easily upset). It sounded like cats being set on fire, fish being popped, demons being exorcised from PC's, metal torn in half, all at once. Harry shoved his fingers in his ears.

"Oh, Ford tried to push the snooze button again, I bet," said Arthur. "I programmed his alarm clock to do that after two snooze-button pushings. Quite entertaining."

At that moment, a giant green face with two arms and large one eye came zooming in the open front door, leering greenly. Arthur greeted it with a "Hello, Hartibartilocus. Sorry about the noise. Ford's trying to sleep in again." The green face grinned and blinked its one enormous eye, and then spurted a stream of green goo onto Harry's shirt.

Harry gagged. He somehow had a sinking feeling he wasn't on Privet Drive anymore. This wasn't the England he knew.

• • •

Inuyasha saw the barrier almost at once.

"Keh! _Red Testsusaiga!_" he shouted. The blade transformed at his command. He reared back and unleashed a powerful blast of energy at the barrier wall. _Kikyo's in there!_ his mind screamed at him. _I have to get to her!_

Kagome _told_ me to get Kikyo, he thought to himself. He wouldn't have bothered wondering about it if he were a male, he supposed. Now, an endless stream of _Whys_ and _Hows_ and uncovering possible schemes and hidden meanings took over his female brain. He gritted his teeth.

The barrier was blasted apart and suddenly, a twisted, illusion forest sprang into being. "Naraku's forest!" he exclaimed.

"Inuyasha! _To run or not to run, that is the question!"_

"Kikyo!"

He ran to her. She was caught in a hedge, her clothing ragged, her face pale and trembling with exhaustion. He couldn't see her Soul Stealers anywhere. She goggled at him when he got closer.

"Inuyasha? Well…that's different."

Inuyasha blushed hotly. He could feel tears of self-pity behind his eyes. "Don't say anything!" he choked. Oh, he was a tried soul! How the world hated him! How shamed he was! Would he ever get out of this wretched body?

He dry-sobbed. Kikyo stared even more.

"Do you know how it happened?" she said, reaching up a hand to touch his face. "My, I never thought…"

"I don't _know_ how I got this way, okay!"

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than dreamt of in your philosophy," said Kikyo mysteriously. "And here dies a noble prince of Denmark."

"Kikyo, let's get out of here." He grabbed her hand, untangling her from the hedge. But no sooner was she clear of the hedge, she sank to the ground.

"Beware, Inuyasha!" Kikyo gasped, her strength failing her. "All around…Naraku's evil plan…Listen to me!"

She dragged Inuyasha to the ground with her, whispering fiercely in his ear, "Naraku did it. He had Kanna turn you into a woman. I was there when he made the spell. I overheard his plans. Has anyone mentioned your lack of aura to you?"

Inuyasha remembered vividly Koga's visit, how Koga had detected a lack of aura; human aura nor demon aura. Miroku had had to pretend that this was the effect of exorcism…to cure 'acne.'

"Yes, Koga told Kagome I had no aura…and," he remembered suddenly, "Myoga told me I had less aura than usual, which made me hard to find."

"Not for the men who are waiting to attack you outside," whispered Kikyo. "You've been tagged for them. You must beware them…they have mighty powers. Naraku has called them here with all the forces of evil he could summon…to cast a blight on you…to imprison your soul, to cast you into shallowness and eternal enslavement! You must run. Run, Inuyasha, and save yourself!"

Terrified at this unknown threat, Inuyasha yelped, "But Kikyo—what about you?"

"RUN!" Kikyo screamed. "They're almost here!"

Inuyasha was breathing hard, but he lifted Kikyo off the ground. _I may be a woman, but I'm butch!_ he roared at himself. _I can do this!_ He put her on his back and began to run, as fast as he'd ever gone.

• • •

Naraku smirked. "A bath is most excellent, don't you think, Kanna," he said. Kanna took baths every 6 hours. It made his water bill incredibly expensive, but when the pesky tax collector came around, Naraku decided to frame the man's bleeding head on his wall and call it a day. "Honestly, Kanna, aren't you afraid you'll turn into a prune? A white prune. Mmmm. Sounds delicious. Or maybe sounds like a band name. The White Prunes."

Kanna glanced icily at him, and began to pick fleas off Naraku's baboon skin coat.

At that moment a headset by Naraku's hand crackled to life.

"Silky Locks, this is Powder Puff. Do you read me. Silky Locks?"

Naraku snatched up the headset. It was too late. Kanna was rocking with inheld laughter. She was mouthing the words "_Silky Locks?"_

"What! What! Silky…I mean, Naraku here!" snapped Naraku, turning a furious red. He sped off down the hall and into his private rooms, away from Kanna.

"Silky Locks, this is Powder Puff. The target is in sight. Our soul extraction devices are ready. We await your command!"

Naraku felt a bubble of glee rise in his stomach. Either that or it was gas. No, definitely glee.

He couldn't contain it. He turned off the headset and leaped about shouting "HUZZAH! HIP HIP! NARAKU THE GREAT STRIKES AGAIN!"

Finally! Inuyasha would be forever deposed, a slave to Naraku's wishes. Naraku (the Great) could pick off the rest of that annoying group one by one. And best of all: Sesshomaru would have no kinsmen left, no loving arms or familiar silver hair to bury his face in…he would have to turn to Naraku then…_Naraku with his sexy smile and bare chest_… Naraku felt tears well up, imagining their reunion. The first night together would be beautiful. And maybe he could nab one of those night- vision cameras, and tape it…just in case.

"Silky Locks? Are you there?"

Naraku turned his headset back on quickly.

"Is Operations Gender Switch Stage Two in place?"

"It is, most noble leader! Stand by, men, stand by."

"Then execute your program, Powder Puff." Naraku chuckled, a low, terrifyingly evil sound. "Execute…your program."

• • •

Sesshomaru could see them now very clearly. "Black-clad men…Ninjas?" he said in a dry voice. "They are not demons. Though their aura…is odd."

They, like the woman, seemed to be soulless…but a dark cloud followed them. They were capable of great evil…

He scowled. Wolfwood's words rang out at him, that he must protect "the body double" girl. But he would do it of his own free will, in his own self-interest. For no other damn reason! No one could tell Sesshy to become a guard dog on a chain. Inconceivable.

But…if protecting this Kagome's life meant that his own life and his follower's lives would be…protected, too…then…

His head was burgeoning with thoughts. A syllogism flashed in his head:

I must protect my interests.

To protect Kagome protects my interests.

Therefore I protect Kagome.

And again:

I will protect Kagome.

Inuyasha protects Kagome too.

Therefore Inuyasha helps protect Kagome.

And finally:

Inuyasha helps protect Kagome.

To have him dead would leave him unable to protect her.

Therefore Inuyasha must not die (yet).

Instantly he knew his decision: he must protect Inuyasha from those men. He started to call for Inuyasha to stop, to wait for Lord Sesshomaru, to not walk into the trap. Sesshomaru, ready to yell out, saw Inuyasha leap at Naraku's barrier with his powerful sword– and suddenly, a jealous passion gripped his heart. _That sword… should have been mine._

It made him hesitate.

And suddenly Inuyasha was gone, swallowed by the barrier.

Sesshomaru cursed himself three times a fool. _No, I didn't. _Yes, you just called yourself a fool. _Lord Sesshomaru never calls himself anything but This Sesshomaru. Or Lord. _But just now you three timescalled yourself– _SHUT THE HELL UP!_

It was too late, in any case. Inuyasha was trapped in the barrier with his fate. But Sesshomaru settled in a tree and remained watching.

• • •

"Six is a lucky number in Japan. On 06/06/06, everybody wanted to get married. Note that this is chapter the 16 th. Not only is there a "6" but 16 is an AWESOME number! 24, 42, you know the drill. Lordy do I love that number…16." --_Anonymous aka me_


End file.
